Peanuts and Pancakes

I moved my blog

2006-08-04T14:57:00.000+08:00

I moved my blog. Please update your bookmarks. This page should refresh and take you to the new site in just a second. If it does not then you can find me by clicking HERE

2006-08-04T05:45:00.000+08:00

There is a bottle sitting on a wall. It sits there quietly and still.

Frozen in time although the rest of the world is passing by like a hurricane in a hurry. It's about to crack...I kid you not. There used to be something holding it in. But it's suddenly dissapeared.

Strange.

There is a bottle sitting on a wall. It pretends to sit there quietly and still.

you'd think you got it figured

2006-08-03T17:21:00.000+08:00

I never believed that it existed. I believed that at the end of the day these things just fade away. Especially when you give too much of yourself. But I enjoyed watching all these things happening around me. Then again, maybe it’s because my mind likes to understand why and how these things happen. But I never believed in it one bit.

You believed in it so much. I saw it with the calls, with the messages, with the long conversations, when together. It was obvious at first…but after a while…you figured it out…and you tried not to show it much. But it was still there…I could tell.

And so began my quest. I wasn’t sure why at first I made it my quest although I knew only one way of making it all better.

But that’s gone now. So I’m lost. I can’t fix it.

Paulo Coelho wrote in By the River Piedra I Sat Down Wept how it’s always new. How it can consign you to hell or to paradise. But it’s always taking you somewhere. Accept it because it’s what nourishes your existence. You have to take love where to find to it, even if it means hours, days, weeks, disappointments and sadness. The moment you seek for it, it’s seeks you. To save you.

Now I know why it was my quest. Because in a strange way of trying to make it all better, I learnt what it is to give all of yourself without expecting anything back.

As much as it scares the living daylights out of me, the head seems to be agreeing with the heart.

burning mysteries

2006-07-30T05:56:00.000+08:00

Friendships. Relationships. Should there even be a choice?

For the first time in a really really long while my heart is in shambles. Shambles because I wanted so much to prove you wrong. To show you that sometimes these things will find its way back. Because I wanted to believe in what you once believed in too. So maybe I needed to believe. To see what you see. Strange how these things work. Because while trying my darnest to prove you wrong, I learnt what it was like being in that situation I never allowed myself to be in. Giving all of yourself and never expecting anything in return. As much as you say it's alright...your eyes tell me differently. Then again, who am I to say anything about relationships...when I haven't been in one for the past 7-8 years. I only learnt about these funny things called relationships through what each one of you have been through and I try to understand why some things work a certain way. Or why some things need not be said at all. Or why sometimes, your heart behaves the way it does by putting myself in your shoes. But what I will never understand is how love can make you choose between what makes you, you and the person you've given your heart too. Why should there be a choice baffles the fuck out of me. I guess it's something I need to learn and accept. It's hard. And that's why I'm scared. That's why my heart hurts when I think about it. But listen...I promise this....

You go ahead Walk further down the road. Hold the hand beside you. Love with your all of your heart. Take a chance. Give your all if you need. It's ok. Yes,it will hurt. I can't deny that. But it'll be ok as long as I know your heart is smiling and your mind at peace. You need not look back to check. Even if you forget. Because I'm not going anywhere. I got your back. Always. Anytime, anywhere... After all that's the best kind of love I can offer. The only kind.

all tomorrow's parties

2006-07-29T03:56:00.000+08:00

"If people really pay attention to their everyday lives, they will discover that magic moment. It may arrive in the instant when we are doing something mundane, like putting out front door key in the lock; it may lie hidden in the quiet that follows lunch hour or in the thousand and one things that all seem the same to us" -Paulo Coelho's By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept-

And so it began... a crazy week... Saturday, 22nd July 2006 - Kim's 23rd Birthday Party An invitation to an 80's party... The crazy birthday girl...

And here she is again with TipsyFaeries...

these two had us

rolling with laughter with their crazy antics.

So here we all are...lazing on a self made

drinking hut place with many pillows...

Those who drank too much and had difficulty getting up..

The ones that could stand up, with the support of other people of course. CFB & LMM doing the stomach blow (love this pic)

A little booze here...a little booze there....

A whole lot of laughter, a whole bunch of smiles and Moon Patrol

Makes a fricking awesome party...

Tuesday, 25th July 2006

Off to a magical place...where the rest of the world is forgotten for a while. Leave your worries behind...forget just for tonight...let's be a kid again.

Dinner with CFB at this awesome place...Rochester Park...LMM and TipsyFaeries joined us a little later. Played a couple of rounds of "Happy Family" had a couple of drinks... With kick ass chiminchangas, chicken, salad..and I forget the rest...but I know it was awesome. Wednesday, 26th July 2006 - Girls Night Out

"Keep it cool inside, if it's strange, outside."

A night out with the colleagues... ColourfulShoes, Pouty, Sharkbait, Riddler & Turtle Jelly CFB was there too...(thank you) The seaweed dance...the "bardenter" in Turtle Jelly's words..and a whole lot more booze.. Makes the AE girls slightly off their rockers... Ok so maybe not all of us were of our rockers... Thank you ColourfulShoes for running to grab the plastic bag. Thank you Turtle Jelly for orange and lime...the fruit salad. Thank you CFB for being there. Thursday, 27th July 2006 - Sharkbait on a buzz

"Right about now, if I'd found the right words to say

I'd tell you you're safe and take hold of your hand"

So I lied. I never really booked the tickets. I already knew it was sold out. Why? Because there must be some things that remain the same. At least a little bit. Because conversations needed to take place. Because sometimes sms aren't enough. Because you needed it. Because I needed it. Just because... A new job. A new boy. Fights. Upsets. Laughter. Smiles. 20 embarrassing questions. Revealing photos. Secret pet names. Positions. Length. Now all of these need to be shared and made fun of. It's the way "Best Buds" work. What better way to make it perfetct...rainbow colours, cherries, different toppings, a lot of fudge and heart.

"With the sun on your face All these worries will soon disappear Just follow me now"

i've got dreams to remember

2006-07-26T15:37:00.000+08:00

It’s late at night. She can’t seem to sleep. Sleep means dreaming. There was once, not so long ago..she enjoyed the dreams. But these aren’t dreams anymore…they’ve turned into nightmares. Her worst fear re-played over and over again night after night. She used to be able to shrug it off…but now it’s began to play in her head. The boy who used to be a friendly soul in her dreams…the boy who held her hand and told her secret things that only she knew in her head has now gone up in flames and has become her nightmare.

“You’re losing yourself. You’re in too deep. Because that's you, you need to take a few steps back.”

Tell you where you need to go Tell you when you'll need to leave Tell you what you need to know Tell you who you need to be But everything inside you knows Says more than what you've heard So much more than empty conversations Filled with empty words And you're on fire When He's near you When He speaks You're on fire Burning at these mysteries Give me one more time around Give me one more chance to see Give me everything You are Give me one more chance to be near You Cause everything inside looks like Everything I hate You are the hope I have for change You are the only chance I'll take When I'm on fire When You're near me I'm on fire When You speak And I'm on fire Burning at these mysteries I'm standing on the edge of me I'm standing on the edge And I'm on fire When You're near me I'm on fire When You speak I'm on fire Burning at these mysteries -Fire, Switchfoot-

2006-07-24T04:40:00.000+08:00

I haven’t been able to hide and control things lately. I realize I’ve been losing my hold on things. I don’t mean to act the way I do. I'm sorry. I just lose my head sometimes, when I know there is nothing I can do. And as much as you were trying to not to show it, I saw it in your eyes. And that was enough.

thumbfights, hair clips, silver sparkles and every colour of the rainbow

2006-07-21T14:04:00.000+08:00

3 glasses of wine + a bottle of beer = a very intoxicated CFB "I like wine. Did you know that wine is my poison. Look Kel, short woman." (all said in one breath) "I should have friends...(voice gets deeper) but none like you, but none like you...." "I want to piss. Eh..hellooo waiter man, one more glass wine please!" "Is it that if I type "PRIVATE NUMBER" it will call him??" "I miss him Kel...helloo..wine please." "How come got no cute boys here...eeee yer...ugly" "I think her name starts with an S..(woman across us wearing an "S" shaped pendant)Like Sandra. Or Stacy. Kel ask her for me. If I ask she think I'm drunk and she'll be right...I don't like her teeth" "Can hold my bladder while I piss?" Quite the riot you are when high..it was too funny. But its always a blast with you.

"You find them in places you thought never to look"

tiny little fractures

2006-07-20T17:22:00.000+08:00

Hold me and tell me it’ll be ok. Tell me that my heart is strong enough. Because I don’t want to start hating. I don’t want to be that angry. I don’t want to keep crying. I don’t want to be sad. Just hold me and promise me it'll be ok.

when you close your eyes, do you like what you see

2006-07-19T03:23:00.000+08:00

For the longest time, I've always wondered why people needed "alone time". I never really understood it. At first, I thought it was just CFB. Then PP too mentioned she needed her own "alone time" too. They tried to explain that sometimes, they like to walk around town by themselves....or sometimes, just be by themselves...with their own thoughts...or just cause. I found it strange but never really dwelled too much on it. CFB asked me once...ok well..not just once but a couple of times..."Don't you need time alone for yourself??" She gave me this puzzled, you're slightly chronic look. It made me wonder even more about this whole "alone time" they speak about.

So I asked ColourfulShoes....and she explained at length why and when she needs her "alone time". Then I asked a couple of other colleagues...and it seemed like everybody else needs this famous "alone time" and it looked like I was missing out on something great. JB, IP and even LMM all admitted that their "alone time" is precious. I know Dubaibaby has a great need for "alone time" and it's especially difficult to have it when you're sharing the same room with someone. I used to think she was nuts and she's purposely doing it to annoy me...I mean it's strange when the person sharing the room with you suddenly decides she doesn't feel like talking. I got used to it...I read her mood swings pretty well now. So when she needs "alone time", I'm busy sleeping. So it works out well for both of us.

That day when I went swimming alone...the bugger day I call it. I thought maybe...just maybe this would be considered my "alone time".

I sucked at it big time. My mind was in whirlwind of chaos. I was talking to myself. The voices in my head became louder. I felt stupid and I becamed edgy and irritated. It was soo weird. I even felt lost!!!

ColourfulShoes concluded that maybe my "alone time" was during lunch because I don't head out with the rest of them. I like staying in. But lets be honest, the only reason why I stay in is because I'm either on the phone or I'm taking at snooze.

All of them say, it's different with each person. But almost everybody I've checked..."alone time" is a must.

So I decided I'm going to give it a try again. And I did. Tonight. From CFB's place, I suddenly felt this great urge to take a walk. I didn't feel like heading home yet. I wanted to talk to someone...or send a silly sms to one of the "Best Buds" but since I was experimenting, I didn't think it was right. Plus, I promised myself if I get down to doing this and succeeding, I was going to treat myself to some ice-cream.

And so I walked. And so began the conversations with myself. With the voices in my head. The endless debates. The mediating conversations between my head and my heart. Every thing that have been going on. Every thing that I'm afraid to say or speak about. The tears that came out of nowhere....the silly laughter that honestly made me think, this is it Kel..You've gone absolutely stark raving mad...

Then the brain memory clicked....a memory somehow decided it was time to fall out.

"It's when you're alone that it happens......"

When I close my eyes, I like what I see....So I thought.

rainclouds

2006-07-17T01:05:00.000+08:00

I was chilling with Static Brain, under the trees near Bora Bora when she decided to play hide & seek...and it was my turn to be "IT" . She wanted to know 24 things/stuff/pie/habits/interesting tidbits. Plus she said I could tag 6 people. 6 people!!! WHOAAA!!!! Ok facts first.... 1) Sharkbait = Kelly 2) Kelly loves pie 3) Kelly loves socks 4) Kelly loves travelling 5) Kelly loves hot air ballooning 6) Kelly loves to cook 7) Kelly can’t cook 8) Kelly loves gardening 9) Kelly killed all the plants when parents were away 10) Kelly likes soda lime made in India 11) Kelly loves basketball 12) Kelly loves Oprah 13) Kelly is currently devising a plan to be on Oprah 14) Kelly loves to dream 15) Kelly is actually a basketball player for the Houstons (refer to NO 14) 16) Kelly hates cockroaches but is okay with lizards 17) Kelly doesn’t always know she’s wearing different coloured socks 18) Kelly has to bathe EVERYTIME she’s about to step out of the house 19) Kelly’s knees are named Painful and Swollen 20) Kelly’s tonsils are now named Hurt and Burn 21) Kelly’s tummy is named Penelope 22) Kelly hates her ears are very ticklish 23) Kelly does not like to wear make up 24) Kelly has a secret. Sooo... I get to tag CFB, LMM, TipsyFaeries, Chrysalis, Jigga and ColourfulShoes aka Mrs Spice. *note: Who exactly is Jigga?

box it up bitch

2006-07-14T16:46:00.000+08:00

My throat is currently moaning in pain. I can't talk properly because it feels like a pineapple is stuck inside and I mean the whole pineapple fruit. Even laughing is becoming quite a chore..I have this strange feeling my tongue is getting swollen too...but I think that's because I ate quite a lot of sweets...not sweets sweets or pie sweets...more like the make your throat feel better sweets. But I found out those sweets are actually liars. My throat is not better at all. Doctor CFB & LMM thinks it's tonsillitis. Tonsills are overwhelmed, that's why they are behaving this way. The symptoms seem to be pretty acurate. 1) Jaw and throat slightly tender - check 2) Difficulty swallowing - check 3) Headache - check and then check some more 4) Sudden chills - check (am currently using a scarf for warmth..) 5) Fever - check 6) Frequent bouts of energy - check 7) Constant pie craving - check Shit. I tried to see for myself how my tonsills would look. Remind never to search for things inside the mouth images. I'll probably have nightmares tonight. But in the cartoon world....this is probably what my throat looks like. Meet Sharkbait's overwhelmed tonsills. Jigs & Mugget. Looks like the remedy for Jigs & Mugget tonight is some you time and a couple of beers.

And this one is for you...

"Anytime you need someone Somebody strong to lean on Well you can count on me To hold you till the healing is done And every time you fall apart Well you can hide here in my arm And you can count on me To hold you till that feeling is gone" -Default, Count On Me-

?

2006-07-13T18:01:00.000+08:00

Case 1: Promises were made. Future plans were discusses. Dreams were made. Obstacles were to be faced together. Two people, walking together heading towards the same place…Love.

“I’m not good for you. I can’t handle it”

Case 2: A proposal was made. Promises were promised. Future plans were in the works. Dreams had finally become reality. Obstacles were met face on…Love.

“You’re not the one for me”

Case 3: A chance meeting. Love at second sight. Promises. Long conversations. Letters. Plans to go up. Emails. Promises some more. Random calls. Meeting in dreams. Love.

“I’m sorry, I got married”

Case 4:

24 years. 2 children. Fights. Love. Laughter. Random conversations. Best friends. Fists. Silly talk. Stable. Grow old together. Love.

“I work late tonight…will be back late”

Case 5:

Classroom meeting. Going out. Phone conversations. Emails. Email some more. Secret MSN code names. Night meetings. On. Off. Then off. Then on. Love. Promises. Future plans were discussed. Love. A lot of love.

“I’ve got a lot on my plate right now. I don’t know what I want”

tell me who i need to be

2006-07-13T16:16:00.000+08:00

I’m standing at the war front. Facing the opponent head on. I’m trying to listen to the opponent….but she’s not letting up. So we’ll reach a compromise instead….why bother taking out my full pack and load bullets into my gun, waste of time and energy I think to myself. So we discuss at length…the future and what we will make of it. Funny thing is….it doesn’t seem like a compromise, I finally figured it was a tactic the opponent is using…. The “She’s letting up….let’s suck more out of her” tactic. I turn around….and I tell my guards…ok…I need your help in this. I rely on Guard 1. She’s all ready with the full pack, mineral water, she’s loaded her gun and is ready to fight….to defending…to build even. I give the go ahead gesture (2 slaps on the forehead and a getting jiggy with it dance) “MOVE!!!” I scream… “MOVE!!!” She looks at me….and nods…she take a step forward… I smile to myself thinking…great…phase 1 is almost over…when she turns around and starts questioning the tactic. She questions why I said “MOVE” in that particular rough voice. She questions and puts down the tactics. All I need from her actually is just to move quickly….to defend my troops…to build something. I’ve explained the tactics when we having juice at the barracks….but she still questions. So much for my handy Guard 1. I call out for Guard 2. One I know who will not question my tactics…but instead reads my mind and knows why I’m using the “Belly your way outta here” tactic. She’s standing beside me, giving me the encouragement. So I ask if she’s all ready?? She yells…“Yep!! Let’s do it!!, I’m in all the way” But instead of picking up her full pack, her loaded gun and war stuff….she drops all of it and says… “Maybe we should just quit….this is so stupid…why we are even bothering…” So…I’m standing under the blazing sun….my troops are all concussed on the floor. My best guards….or rather used to be best guards 1 & 2 are well…gone with the wind. There is no wind. I’ve run out of mineral water bottles, my m&m stock has gone to the dangerously low level…. When suddenly, I feel droplets of rain….it begins to get windy…I look at my opponent and behind her…I see the sun. The rain comes down hard and washes the anger away….The setting sun rays sprinkle the whole sky….and I start laughing. Laughing so hard, that I became numb to all sorts of feelings. Then I realized I've become numb to everything.

2006-07-13T00:00:00.000+08:00

Sometimes conversations with LMM can be crazy. Especially if it's over msn...but this was too funny.... Part 1 - The Story Begins

LMM:

"My name is Domino Harvey"

LMM:

I am a bounty hunter.

*20 mins later

LMM:

"So what, now I'm a bounty hunter you cannot talk to me is it?"

Sharkbait:

"Yeah, it's illegal to talk about bounty hunters here. Against the law"

LMM:

"Really. Oh...ok"

Click to see what happened afterwards with LMM.

would you lie with me and just forget the world

2006-07-11T18:08:00.000+08:00

It was one of those days where you think it's going to happen and you wish it didn't but you rather it did so that it might just be over as quick as possible and yet you're silently willing for it to never happen at all. "You look like you might not last the day" But it happens. And then you're in the moment. Right there and then. The moment. Is it time? Should it be out of the bag? Should it be kept in the bag of the bags? It's the moment that messes your brains up and yet sends a warm fuzzy signal and you start smiling to yourself. You look around from where you're sitting....and you watch each one of them. You silently remember the memories you have of them. The good times and then the bad times.....and then you start to sting a little. You're unsure of this sting.....it starts to ache...painful. You're not sure where's hurting...but you soon realize it's the heart that's smarting. And yet, your heart is smiling that silly smile. Because you see things thru someone else's eyes. And sometimes it's better that way. So, you down a couple....have a few smokes....and just for a while....for a long while, you imagine all that happened never happened. And tha'ts when it begins. That's when you realize....the moment has always been there. Right in front of you. Right in front of me. Sitting just beside me...it just slipped my mind. Silly of me to think I had lost it.

mind your steps - (revised)

2006-07-03T17:18:00.000+08:00

It’s quiet today. I’m bored shitless. And when I’m bored, I start having conversations with myself. I don’t really remember the topics…but I’m sure one of them was about pie. But let’s not get into that right now…I’m trying to not talk about pie. It’s hard not to talk about it. Worse to even try and stop thinking about it. Pie. Ok…so I’m compiling stuff just for the fun of it. I decided to take a walk down my mind. Like a few steps backwards to inspect the couple of things I’d decided to keep in the storage box of the brain. Well, the walk down my mind was quite a tricky feat. A couple of bumps and hills and even holes in them. But at least the drawers in the mind were all intact. *note to self: Gotta start labeling the drawers in the mind. There I was standing in the middle of my tangled spongy mind…when all of sudden wave after wave of flashbacks hit me… “Money….I won!!!! Monopoly!!!!” “ ‘Mesh….don’t bully them ‘Mesh…let them win” “It’s all in the basic of physics….fulcrum. Wanna play water bomb?” “Don’t throw the rabbit like that LMM!!!” “What did he say? Does he like me? You like him right? Why? What did you two talk about?” “He broke up with me” “I’m a dwarf with lousy slippers” “Look LMM, kittens..” “CFB, Can I tell you secret” “Take me away….” “Polar bear!!!!” “I don’t want my heart to be sad anymore” “I promise we’ll go…” “Kill him for me Sharkbait…..” “You’re lucky….no relationship…no problems” “Do you miss love?” “I was blind, now I see” “Serial Swallower “Let’s eat our chicken rice by the road side” “You think he knows??” “I’ve finally found my rainbow…I’m happy…so be happy for me k” “You gotta stop with all these pie…” “Let’s play tennis…I mean badminton” “Wait till I fall asleep, please…” “Promise it’ll be ok…” “Watch the spit bubbles” “He ended it over the phone….why?” “You got the job…” “You want m&ms??” “Gupta…..come on” “I bought the tickets….looks like I’m finally going” “You’re nothing to me” “What if you have plans with me the day I have plans with you" “He finally proposed!!!!” “I hate you…it’s no wonder they do what they do..” “I’m ok….and you?” “July 28th 2005" "I'm leaving on Wednesday, 1st March" “So hypothectical questions….” “You think he loves me?” “Who do you pity?” “Look after her like how I would please..” “Let’s discuss this at length” “You’re going down bitch…” “He doesn’t know songs!!!!” “Walk with me…” "It's gonna happen one day...you know that right?" “So…tell me a story…” “I was blind and now I see!!! Is that it?” “Pain?...” “We’re so fucked aren’t we..” “Amno box!!!!” “Just because..." “Just a while more…..just wait a while..please” “It’s on fireh!!!!” “100 years…I want 100 years”

"I wish you see what I see..."

“I can’t stop smiling….I love it here” “December 17th 2005” “Oh my gad!!!!!!!! CANDY!!!!!” “For a while, when I was there…I was free…you get it don’t you.” “Don’t let me go….not yet” “You’ve fallen in love, haven’t you?” “Right in front of me and I didn’t see it….” “Panties…jeans…and skirt…all at once..what the fuck?” “The fish that spoke!!! Cat in the hat” "I miss you. I miss us. Where did you go?" "Of course I believe in the one!" "I knew I'd see him today. And I did" "Fuck you and Fuck off" "You saw it. You found it. Hold on to it a while longer" "Looks...Amazing Thorth!!" "It's ok...They don't see what I see. All the better for me" "I promise." "Psst...blue..blue..blue" "I look it and him and I want to keep trying" "Smile..." "Brush your teeth with magical toothpaste!!"

"What happens when you got to give up your star?" "Melted ice-cream?? You like melted ice-cream?" "I'll beat you ah!!" "It's a surprise" "Judging!!!" "I'll pick you up from work when I'm famous" "Ok, turn left and then turn right...you missed a turn right?" "You think he loves me?"

"A fridge, paper....a GHOST!!!"

"You took a step forward, then you took two steps back...and yet always just 1/2 a step behind."

"Sod off"

And so….for a long while on this quiet boring day….as I walked around in my mind picking up the memories that I remembered… I smiled at some…laughed out loud at some….my heart started to smile…I so need to make more of these!!

“And in case you were wondering, you are like a sunset to me.

You're all kinds of beautiful as you end my day”

2006-07-03T02:43:00.000+08:00

I'm extremely tired. Sleep's not coming. I've tried valium, cold tablet, cough mixtures...nothing... but my body feels zoned out. Maybe that's why I've been having way too many "out of body" experiences

"Under the floor Between me and the door There's a presence I cannot deny"

So I ask you, tonight...to help shelter me tonight. Just for tonight. I don't want to control it anymore.

"It's under the car Between me and the stars I see glory filling up the sky And I'm certain that he hears me"

So the world keeps shaking, I'm standing upside down and I'm giddy. I'm trying my best to hold on. I'll keep wondering, asking and longing. But for now...for tonight...I'm giving it all up.

"He listens even as I sing my song I'm emphatic that he's near me And I can see his touch in everything here Deep is the soul Is the space I control Is the one thing I can call as mine"

A fool like me. Standing on edge. Looking down. Will you shelter me tonight please.

"Deeper the cold When he's far from my soul I surrender all of me inside"

-Switchfoot, Under The Floor-

bugger bugger bugger

2006-06-30T09:06:00.000+08:00

So I wake up at 5am in the morning right, I thought maybe the morning swim will do my body some good, get the blood flowing and all that shit that health magazines always rave about. I waited at the bus-stop at 6:15 for another possible morning swimmer, but there was no sign of life, so I thought to myself that maybe I should just go on my own. I mean, I am already here right? I reach the pool, feeling a little bit irritated, but at the same time a bit excited coz I've never gone swimming at 6:30am in the bleeding morning alone. The key to the lockers are in the gym room, so I walk towards it and push down the handle. Stuck. I tried again. Fuck, it's locked. Okay, so maybe it's not the end of the world. I just leave my stuff (and that includes my shoes and socks) one of the lounging chairs, keeping in mind that I have to keep a close eye on my stuff, there may be theives around. I dip into the pool. Bloody hell. It's freezing. It's alright. Just be quick about it. "Immerse your whole body and swim" I tell myself. So I do just that and I swim like I've never swam before, finally starting to enjoy it and then suddenly I see these droplet things on the surface of the water. It looks like rain. Is it raining??!!? You have GOT to be shitting me. Ah just as well, I'm just about done anyway. I want to go to the sauna and warm up and feel like a Pop Tart fresh out of the toaster. Just outside the sauna, "OUT OF ORDER, WE APOLOGISE FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE CAUSED." Right. Nevermind, maybe I'll just take a hot bath, that should work just as well. I just need my body to be warmed up for goodness sakes. Still dripping, I head on to the bathroom, turn on the water and let the water hit me. OH FUCK! fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. The water is bloody freezing. Oh. My. Sweet. Mother. The water is cold. COLD!!! At 7:45 in the morning!!! But if I don't shower, I'll be smelly, so I take a quick one, cursing the heater and the swimming pool people for not heating up the water and get the hell out of there. I need to get to work. I need to have a nice cup of hot coffee while I sit at my desk and get started for work. With that thought, I cheered up a little and gazed out the bus window and just watched as the world passed me by. I work in Ubi, so it's quite far away, maybe I should just get some shut eye, I have had a rough morning.. 'm not even supposed to be awake at this hour anyway. For five minutes, I close my eyes. Just five minutes. And when I wake up, the first road sign I see is Bedok. BEDOK?! I sit up. What the fuck am I doing on Bedok! Oh no. No no no no...Please tell me I'm on the right bus. I am on the right bus right? I can't possibly have boarded the wrong bus, that's just not possible. Okay maybe it's a little bit possible, I've never taken the bus from Marina to Ubi before. I'm screaming in my head as I get off the bus and I'm angry. This time I've really had it. I need to get to the office now where it's cozy. NOW. I alight the cab and I've calmed down a bit. It's about 8:15 and nobody's around. And the door is locked right, I mean, it always is at this time. So I just sit outside like a kid waiting for her mother to come pick her up from school and I wait. I'm reliving morning in my head and I laugh at myself, glad that I can actually find humor in all of that. Message my cousin and ask her to call me, but she's on her way to work too so she'll call when she gets there. Okay, I'm done with reliving the morning, I want to get into the office. I'm getting restless and I want my coffee. I need it. "Hey Sharkbait. What're you doing out here?" He looks at me weird and I start to tell him that the door's locked.... "Click." He opens the door. What the fuck? The door was unlocked? It Was Unlocked?! UNLOCKED?!?!!? The one day I don't try to force my way into the office, it's unlocked?! Shit on me lah okay. Why not right. 8:45am in the morning everyone...the day had just begun. I hope someone pisses on your table.

where'd you go

2006-06-29T16:17:00.000+08:00

When you're away for a day.....be careful cause when Riddler & Sharkbait get together your office table may never be the same again.

ColourfulShoes Desk - Before

ColourfulShoes Desk - After And so it begins.....we started out with Duckie..we gave him a friend, Llama Duck

Then we thought even Donkey needed a portrait...sooo... We couldn't very well leave Jamaican Rat Hat dude out...so we gave him a nametag.. Then we thought...since we're tagging names to the animals..why not all of this too... Soon..it became addictive..we couldn't stop...we just had tooo..

I need to get new materials....golf balls...saran wrap (thank you Penny) and ooo...paint brushes...I hope you're feeling better ColourfulShoes.

2006-06-28T02:04:00.000+08:00

She took her time tonight. She took a slow walk. She had a strange feeling about tonight. She didn't mind dealing with it any other night. But just not tonight. Tonight, she didn't want to deal with anything.

She debated walking in. She saw them. She decided maybe she should wait a while. Just a little while to gather all her composure. So she stood outside...peering inside. She was lost in her own thoughts for a while. Till, she heard her name...

That's when she heard everything. Not the usual ones...this time it was different.

She stood there...willing herself to walk away so she didn't have to hear it. But she couldn't move. Everything that had been holding her together inside cumbled.

She stood just outside...if they really looked, they would have seen her. If they looked, they would have seen everything stripped away. Everything.

They would have seen if they wanted too....but they were never interested in looking anyhow.

And it was then, a sudden shift in emotions came. The kind that's been silently growing, slowly and yet steadily...waiting for the right chance to hit. Right there and then...it hit the surface.

Looks like the mind and heart aren't familiar with each other anymore.

standing on the edge

2006-06-24T02:30:00.000+08:00

I had a new mantra. “When you think about it, make yourself forget about it” It worked for a while. It was ok for a while. When I leave in the morning, it slips off me. I take it out and I put it far away. Because keeping it on makes me a different person. I become someone I hate. And soon everybody else will see it and …… So it’s kept far away. It worked for a week or two. But slowly and carefully I know its pushing and tugging its way out.

“I want nothing to do with her” I tell myself it’s alright. But I’m in pain. “She’s not normal” I tell myself it’s all good. But it gets harder to cope. “Leave her be, I can’t be bothered anymore. I don’t want to know anything” I tell myself to myself to hang on for a while. But I’m tired.

I don’t regret. So why does it make me cry every night? Because everything inside me looks like everything I hate.

a hint of pie everywhere

2006-06-22T16:52:00.000+08:00

ColourfulShoes & I finally have photos of our office sitting positions. Accidents accidentally happened while taking the photographs. Especially when ColourfulShoes is in heels. And DAMN!!!! Those heels!! But nobody was seriously injured…so it's all cool. Exhibit A - ColourfulShoes Desk In the photo you will see a couple of vitamin bottles, a few photographs aligned on the sticky board...and if you guys really really look, you will find a bottle of Orange Emlusion. ColourfulShoes poison. The Peep Hole is where we communicate secretly with little notes and sweets. Exhibit B - Sharkbait's Desk Now in the photo...you will see that I am actually a neat person. Everything messy is all piled up next to Mr M&M. The keeper of all things and toys. My enemies are also in this photo. When ColourfulShoes is angry/annoyed/irritated/blah..she shifts them down the The Peep Hole and cuts all communication link with me. So while taking these shots in the office, a colleague SnackFriend offered to take the two us in one shot. So here you go.... Exhibit C - After all these smiling and cleaning of desks...we headed down to Brewerkz with the other colleagues. Ms Smiles last day in office. So we decided to send her off in good beer style... Gonna miss her quite a bit. ColourfulShoes said she's gonna be lonely...but she doesn't know I have a plan. Exhibit D - It was a nice day. After all, everyday is a nice day for pie. Isn't it?

but for now heavens in.......

2006-06-21T02:38:00.000+08:00

I'm writing this and I'm grinning like a jackass. Well...actually it started with me being thisclose to pissing in my pants and crying. See...I kinda gotten myself into a terrible fix. The kind of fix where you know you need to start preparing for your funeral...the kind where you know you're so deep in shit...that you wish you'd drown in it real fast. See...I kinda accidentally deleted my parents London photos from the computer....oh bloody hell. So...two plus in the morning....I've been trying to see if I could come with something...or find those bastard photos. I've been stripping the computer bare and asking the fairies of the computer land to lend me their magical powers...but nope. Nothing. Zip. Nada. Kosong. London photos have disappeared. I started ploting my disappearance while staring at the computer...when....the bottom end of the computer started blinking...

-Jellybean- says: babe, you still up?

-Jellybean- says: (she sends me a youtube site, a wrong one and yet the perfect one)

-Jellybean- says: maybe this will keep you entertained

And entertained it did!!!

So my darling Jellybean....thank you. I forgot all about the photos that were lost. I forgot that London needed to be saved in a cd...I forgot everything else...and I've been grinning ever since. Oh what the heck...I'm gonna watch it again!!!!!!!

simple as a feeling

2006-06-17T00:37:00.000+08:00

Head back and you'll find yourself in a silent shell. Walk around and you'll feel unwanted day by day.

Smile and you'll pretend it doesn't exist. Sit down and realize that even having no regrets can eat you alive, silently.

How is it that as the day goes by, your head and heart feels unworthy even more.

2006-06-15T16:37:00.000+08:00

Sit down beside her and you’ll see the pain she’s in. Sit down beside her and you’ll see what she sees. Sit down beside her and you’ll see the tears coming down. Sit down beside her and you’ll see her wince quietly. Sit down beside her and you’ll see her wanting to protect them. Sit down beside her and you’ll hear her conversations with God. Sit down beside her and you’ll hear her whimpering in pain. Sit down beside her and you’ll hear her rationalizing it. Sit down beside her and you’ll hear her wish she was dead. Sit down beside her and you’ll feel the pain. Sit down beside her and you’ll feel the hand striking. Sit down beside her and you’ll feel her strength. Sit down beside her and you’ll feel her love. Sit down beside her and you'll wonder why. Stand beside her and you’ll see what she’s watching. Stand beside her and you’ll see her praying for it to stop. Stand beside her and you’ll see her sobbing. Stand beside her and you’ll see her fear. Stand beside her and you’ll see him. Stand beside her and you’ll see her. Stand beside her and you’ll see that it’s not right. Stand beside her and you’ll hear her scream out loud. Stand beside her and you’ll feel her anger. Stand beside her and you’ll feel her hate. Stand beside her and you’ll feel the fear. Stand beside her and you’ll feel the rage in her head. Stand beside her and watch her lose it. Stand beside her and watch her try to protect. Stand beside her and watch her panic. Stand beside her and watch her shout at him. Stand beside her and watch her go mad. Stand beside her and watch her hit him back. Stand beside her and watch her lose everything normal in her bone. Stand beside her and whisk her away. Stand beside her and you’ll know what hate is. Stand beside her and give her strength to protect the one sitting on the bed.

so eat pie and go pie yourself a pie.

2006-06-15T12:24:00.000+08:00

When Kelly took the blue pill…..

Jean: Who else would I suddenly feel like calling out of the blue? Kelly says: John Kelly says: Bradley Kelly says: Joshua! Kelly says: It’s him isn't it Jean says: Who in the world is Joshua? Jean says: Who Kelly? Who's Joshua? Kelly says: The boy who stole your underwear last Friday Kelly says: Gross Kelly says: Maybe it’s the milk boy Kelly says: Whom you saw last week when he giving bottle of milk to your indian neighbour and you thought his dhoti was quite a piece of cloth and you feel like calling him Jean says: No. Jean says: No one stole my underwear Kelly says: Come on jean Kelly says: That's why your pants so high sometimes Jean says: And we don't have a milk boy? Who is this milk boy you speak off. Kelly says: You got phobia Kelly says: People steal your underpants phobia Jean says: NO ONE HAS STOLEN MY UNDERWEAR KELLY ANN!! Kelly says: Are you shouting at me? Jean says: Maybe people have stolen yours. Kelly says: We are not talking about mine Kelly says: I shat in mine and threw in neighbours house. And that was when I was kid Jean!!!!! Kelly says: So leave my underpants with sweets alone Kelly says: You loser of underwear Jean says: You THROWER of underwear with shit! Jean says: You SHITTER in underwear! Kelly says: At least I admit it. Kelly says: You let people steal your underwear and you don’t even know. Kelly says: Like what the fuck??!! Jean says: How an I ALLOW people to steal my underwear. You think what, I don't have cupboard to put my underwear in is it? That I sprinkle them along the corridor to my house is it?

Then I imagined a pathway made of underwear. The house of sprinkled underwear. And I couldn’t stop laughing.

Blue pill is crazy pill.

the house that knew it all or so it thought

2006-06-14T15:59:00.000+08:00

All they asked was that I draw a house. I had no idea. Who would have thought eh.... go ahead and laugh.

part 2

2006-06-12T16:55:00.000+08:00

Dear Online Diary, I am sick. I told the doctor that I had a migraine but he said that I have a high fever instead. I think all doctors are liars. I think it's a sick ploy of theirs to tell us things that are not true and to dope us up with more medicine. What do you think diary. I'm going to sleep now. Maybe I'll write more later. Loves, Sharkbait.

can't think of a title

2006-06-11T16:00:00.000+08:00

Dear online diary, This morning I woke up. It was raining. Now I need to pee. Maybe the rain and my peeing are somewhat connected in this strange world. ok bye. will write more later.

2006-06-10T13:30:00.000+08:00

How is it you're able to make me feel so small and so horrible about myself, when I know my head knows better? How is it when you look at me, I feel so ugly? How is it that after all that....you still don't understand. I'll keep pretending. For everybody else. Like you said. For everybody else.

when chocolate met dubai baby

2006-06-10T01:47:00.000+08:00

My sister has been reading my blog quietly. She likes to pretend she doesn't read it but look, babe...I know you do. I can check. That's why I have a tracker, you fool. So why you bluff me when you say that you only read it once. I know you read it almost everyday. Sometimes you find out secret things about me and you pretend that you don't know. But you do, you twit. I just told you that I have a tracker and you ask me... "A tracker??? Does it track things??" What is that la babe!!!! You're a funny girl you know. You make me laugh, sometimes you piss the living shit out of me when you shut away from me. Your ridiculous ass cravings for chocolate is way too scary and funny. I mean..who wakes up at 3am and decides she wants a chocolate sundae at that very moment!!!! I know I irritate you too. With my nonsense singing and my stupid story telling. But I do it all in the name of jest. I like how you're independent and speak your mind. I like how you're able to ignore what's going on. I know your mood swings. You're mad once every month but it took me a while to get used to. We share the same bedroom. You talk too much when you're tired. You shut away from everything when you're upset. I don't like that..but I know that's the way you work and that's cool with me. You wear talk like you're high and you laugh at everything I say or do. And you're becoming a real swell cook. Plus, I think you're really pretty....I bet the boy at the bus stop thinks so too. I didn't do what I did because of you. I thought you understood that. I'm sorry if I upsetted you. I really am. It was something I needed to do. I know things have change, but I'm hoping it's all good between us. You go ahead and do what you need too, k? I'm still here...sometimes in the next room or in the kitchen...sometimes, I'm just a phone call away. But I'll always be there for you, even if you have your wee hour chocolate cravings. I love you.

layers and then reasons

2006-06-06T13:17:00.000+08:00

There are some things in life that happen to you and when you look back at it, you laugh. For an example, a sprained ankle or a car door slammed finger, or maybe an insect invasion in your house or a fall down the stairs due to freakishly large roach spotted at the car. Sometimes these things happen because they were meant to add some spice and laughter. Maybe it’s a sign telling you to lighten up and laugh hysterically at yourself. Then there are some things, which you forget so easily. Like why was I at Sizzler’s a long time ago having dinner? Or like I knew I wore that outfit, but why? Who were those kids who like eating bananas in the school bus? Or was Carebears first then Ewoks? Or did Smurfs come on first? Of course, with those memories you forget so easily, there are those few that you remember. These kinds of memories are usually the tricky ones. The ones that you want to forget, but because it’s made you or changed you in a way…they kind stay in your mind. Sometimes, when you least expect it, it flashes past your mind and you remember. You remember like it was just yesterday and your heart sinks. That’s why I do the things I do. I know what you’re thinking. I know what you feel about this. But there are reasons for it. You said what you wanted to say. I heard them and I didn’t say a thing. For this one, do not fight me on this. Do not question why it is the way it is. It just is. I can’t keep explaining and picking up bits and pieces. Please do not throw it in my face over and over. Because I’m at edge. The very tip. Bastard child, I may be. A fucked up anal person. I get you. But don’t throw it in my face. Because this time, I won’t keep quiet.

2006-06-02T09:02:00.000+08:00

Maybe it’s because you said I look horrible when I wore specs. Maybe it’s because you said I look ugly in that particular outfit. Maybe it’s because you said I’ll never be able to find someone. Maybe it’s because you said I’m a weird and funny. Maybe it’s because you said everybody else will move on up but I’ll just remain where I am. Maybe it’s because you said you wish I was a guy instead of a girl. Maybe it’s because when I talk to you, you are much more interested in sizing me up. Maybe it’s because you wish I look like her or her or her. Maybe it’s because when I tell you about my day, you look me and tell… “You’re fat” instead of listening. Maybe it’s because when I sit down with you, I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. Maybe it’s because I don’t want you to see who I am because I’m scared of what you’ll say. Maybe it’s because when I’m trying to tell you something, you don’t want to listen. Maybe it’s because I’m done being scared and yet I still am. Maybe it’s because you rather believe someone else instead of me. Maybe it’s because that even I’m doing what you want me to do, you still have something to say. Maybe it’s because you keep doing what you do, I’m doing what I’m doing. Maybe it’s because you are much more interested in when and how much I’m going to give you instead of hearing about my day. Maybe it’s because when I walk down that road, my heart sinks so low that I want to crumble and cry. Maybe it’s because I need you pamper me just little, but instead it makes me a much easier target for you. Maybe it’s because you can look at me and tell me everything that’s wrong about me. Maybe it’s because when we’re talking, I see it in your eyes how disappointed you are. Maybe it’s because I still don’t understand why you’re disappointed. Maybe it’s because you still want to be in control but you realize you can’t. Maybe it’s because you keep treating me the way you do, I seek comfort outside. Maybe it’s because I know what you think of me that I hate myself. Maybe it’s because that even if I tried to tell you, tried to explain it to you…I’m always wrong or I’m too sensitive or I can’t take feedback. It’s not that you know, I just need you understand. To just look at me and see me. Only you can make me regret waking up in the morning. Regret it so much that I wake up crying. Maybe it’s because it’s just all so damn fucked up.

Tuesday 2 day

2006-05-31T16:21:00.000+08:00

TAG PAINTBALL: TUESDAY 30 MAY @ 11AM. PLAY THE ULTIMATE GAME. BE SCARED. BE VERY PREPARED

PREPARED? Things one must ask oneself to bring: - 1) One must wear comfortable clothing. Long sleeves are preferred. 2) Be prepared to do some running, crawling, crouching and kneeling a lot. Therefore, wear long pants 3) Wear good running shoes to prevent a broken toe or a sprained ankle. 4) Must bring snacks & A LOT OF WATER. NOW ASK YOURSELF, “IS IT SAFE??!!” Registration of Players - WAP - OGB - PP - CFB - OGB BF - Sharkbait - Pea (substitute player and photograher - thank you so much)

Orientation of Safety Procedures, Rules of Conduct and Game Scenarios.

Players try out their Paint guns at the shooting Range. Two teams are lead into the game area. The teams separate and take a moment to discuss strategy and tactics. The referee sounds the siren and the game begins.

2 hours of tag paintball and then off to Sentosa for another round of Cranuium. So everybody is a little bruised and sore. Aching in places we never knew existed. As CFB so perfectly put it.. "My bones don't live where I live" But it was a damn spiffy Tuesday!!

tangled web that blinds

2006-05-28T14:22:00.000+08:00

It was around 7.30am. She was looking out of the window watching the sun rise. She didn’t hear what was going on around her. This time, it really didn’t matter. In fact nothing else did. She was in her own thoughts. Conversations of sorts, she thought to herself. A wave of relief washed over her and yet, a little hesitant. But this morning something was different. Understanding. Acceptance. Promise it’ll be ok. I promise. And that was all she needed to know. That was enough.

2006-05-27T04:13:00.000+08:00

How is it that no matter what you do these bastard creatures will never ever die. Cockroaches. These fucking fucked up creatures are just not right. They are not normal. They live thru everything. Tsunami, earthquakes...even atomic bombs. These stupid buggers are still alive. Is it because they live so well underground that when these bombs explode, they are thrown into the air and they pull out their emegency parachute back packs?? What the hell is going on? I walked LMM to the stair case near my place cause she wanted to head home. So I thought, why not...just walk her out. And as I walked back to my place, something whizzed across my face. I thought..it's alright Kel..you're good. Just get in your house...everything will be fine...Unfortunately, my new neighbours decided that instead of throwing their rubbish in the rubbish bins that are bloody provided to us by the board people who provide rubbish bins so our estate looks nice and clean. Instead, they had all their stupid dirty crap all over the floor. And the fucking roaches were all of it. Ok...this is scene. Course you just need to see what I mean. I drew it out. Now, my drawing isn't spiffy. I mean like seriously. Art teached didn't even want me in her class...so just bear with me. See the dots in light pink!!! There were a whole load of them. Bastard stupid looking roaches. Come on man...this is just not right. So i just kept pacing to and fro...deciding what I should do. I couldn't call Dubai for help, handphone was in the house...so I walked around my estate..debating what I should do. Praying that maybe those gross disgusting creatures would have walked/flew/crawled(i don't really care) away... As I walked back to my place...I asked myself again.. "Is it safe?". Gut feeling told me it wasn't. But damnit...I needed to pee badly already. Then I asked myself...."Now...what would Oprah do Kel?"...and it came to me like a wet sock in a pocket. I would have to face my fears. Face my fears...look at each one of them and tell myself, "I'm ok...I'm not afraid anymore. I am strong person. So I spit on you" I was going to walk calmly, open my house gate and get inside like any normal person would do in this situation. And I did exactly that. Bullshit! Who am I kidding? I fucking ran in after 5 mins of debating and dancing on the road trying to hold my piss in..and I bloody ran like a crazed lunatic...screaming, with hands up in the waving "Oh dear!! Oh balls!!! Bastard bastard. I'm dead. Kill me. Don't come near you fuckers. I will kill you. I swear...Mum!!! Please help" Oh well...I made it to the house safely in hysterics. Calmed down after a good long shower to ease the bones that were tensed up.....One of these days, these asshole creatures will get what they deserve...till then, I'm carrying around a mini spray of Baygone wherever I go!! Oprah may not think I'm brave...but she'll say I'm smart. Right??

be my coat, i'll give you a goat

2006-05-26T16:55:00.000+08:00

"Laughing with your pretty mouth Laughing with your broken eyes"

There will come a time in your life, where you will have a moment.

"Everybody go The party's over I want to be alone in my head In my bed tonight"

Not a week, not a month, not a year. Just a moment.

"Tripping hard falling down onto the ground Cause I can't stand up And I can't fall down Cause I'm somewhere in the middle of this"

That one moment, where you will see everything you heart wants you to see.

"Please tell me again, I was somewhere else Lost, walking in the rain looking for myself For somehow I find myself missing"

And in that moment, you will know and feel who you really are.

"Take this gift and don't ask why Cause if you will let me I'll take what scares you Hold it deep inside And if you ask me why I'm with you And why I'll never leave Love will show you everything"

A moment that will define the person you are.

find me

2006-05-24T14:41:00.000+08:00

Can anybody find me somebody to love? Each morning I get up I die a little Can barely stand on my feet (Take a look at yourself)Take a look in the mirror and cry Lord what you're doing to me I have to spend all my years in believing you But I just can't get no relief Lord Somebody (somebody) ooh somebody (somebody) Can anybody find me somebody to love?

I think its time I rectify this. The fengshui in my body is not right. I am unbalanced. Like an unbalanced jar of pickle. Must be under pressure.

I work hard (he works hard) everyday of my life I work till I ache my bones At the end (at the end of the day) I take home my hard earned pay all on my own I get down (down) on my knees (knees) And I start to pray (praise the Lord) 'Til the tears run down from my eyes Lord somebody (somebody) ooh somebody (please) Can anybody find me somebody to love?

I'm in a pickle alright. I think I sneezed my eardrums out. So I'm a little deaf in one ear. Brain is full of flu liquid. nose is stuffed like pineapple with potatoes and the eyes are wonky, they are starting have conversations between themselves. Could it really be some kind of magic?

(She wants help) Every day - I try and I try and I try - But everybody wants to put me down They say I'm goin' crazy They say I got a lot of water in my brain Got no common sense I got nobody left to believe Yeah - yeah yeah yeah

Pickle. Pickle. Pickle. Nose is stuffed like pineapple with potatoes and the eyes are wonky, they are starting have conversations between themselves. Well, looks like another one bites the dust. Sheesh....

Got no feel I got no rhythm I just keep losing my beat (you just keep losing and losing) I'm OK I'm alright (he's alright) I ain't gonna face no defeat I just gotta get out of this prison cell One day I'm gonna be free Lord

I just realized. Freddie was the name of my imaginary friend. Interesting pickle information. Very interesting. How is it when you sick, you mind starts to running even more. Maybe I should break free.

Find me somebody to love find me somebody to love Find me somebody to love find me somebody to love Find me somebody to love find me somebody to love Find me somebody to love find me somebody to love Find me somebody to love find me somebody to love Somebody somebody somebody somebody somebody Find me somebody find me somebody to love Can anybody find me somebody to love Find me somebody to love Find me somebody to love Find me somebody to love Find me find me find me Find me somebody to love Somebody to love Find me somebody to love...

-Somebody To Love, Queen-

I really gotta stop listening to Queen. Oh fucking hell...I am a bloody sick pickle.

Cause now I want to ride a damn bicycle.

please don't eat my daisies

2006-05-20T05:23:00.000+08:00

Swallow it up for the sound of my screaming Cannot cease for the fear of silent night Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming the goddess of imaginary light In my field of paper flowers and candied clouds of multiply I lay inside myself for hours and watch my purple sky fly over me I linger in the doorway The alarm clock screaming monsters calling widening Let me stay Where the wind will whisper to me Where the raindrops as there falling Tell there story If you need to leave the world you live in Lay your head down and stay awake Though you may not remember dreaming Something waits for you to breath again In my field of paper flowers and candied clouds of multiply I lay inside myself for hours and watch my purple sky fly over me -Imaginary,Evanescence-

Whispered voices at my ear. You're not real. Or are you? You confuse me. You've gone away. I don't feel you anymore. Let me breathe this once. And I'll be ok. Mind is tangled, thoughts are hurried. Another sleepless night..flashbacks of crazy dreams. Let me know that you hear me. My heart is heavy. I don't understand why. It's all in the box you say. It's what you need. And it was.

2006-05-18T15:39:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I hide her toys. Sometimes I mess her table up. Other times, I scotch tap m&ms on her sweater and then I email her stories of empty emails. There are times where she gets irritated and threatens to tell everybody about my secret. But I know she won’t. She leaves me alone when I’m in one of those moods…and I leave her alone too…well ok, maybe not.. I just throw mini crushed papers so she’ll look up and notice I’m hard at work and it wasn’t me who disturbed her and I give her the “Why? What’s up look?” Sometimes, I may even hide her stapler and then take away her toy elephant or paper wrap her computer so she can’t use it….I know she would love to clean my desk up for me…which she does randomly especially when I’m not in office. She even plays “lets throw crushed paper at each other” with me. This depends on her mood though. She would play the music loud so I can listen but when I start to bob my head and dance, she quietly lowers it and tells everyone I’m nuts cause I’m just bobbing along to nothing at all. Sometimes, she pretends to be my secret admirer but she forgets and signs off her name instead. So…I mess her keyboard up, take her spoons away and switch her chair…hehe…but its all in jest. When she’s at meeting, I have no choice but to take the messages for her and leave them on her desk…and when she calls them back, she realizes that the Mr Quek is actually me, I left my mobile number instead and that there was no such person as Mr Quek. So ColourfulShoes, I know I can be trying….Ask CFB, PP and OGB. They’ll probably agree with you…but really…I’m nice. I promise I won’t staple your shawl and mess your table up… And it is a blast working with you too. Love you too ColourfulShoes. Thank you.

bam a hum, boozle a sum

2006-05-16T15:35:00.000+08:00

Date: 12 May 2006, Friday Time: 2027 hours Venue: Zouk, Velvet Underground Function: NewMan Magazine Party FunanaBananas: ColourfulShoes, BoyWonder, CFB and Sharkbait It started out quiet at first. Then BoyWonder & CFB decided they were up for a little partying. Weird people around us....strange ah peck men drooling all over sessy girls. Matchsticks on the floor. Strong ass drinks that made us a little pukey instead of giddy and yet ready for more partying.

Date: 12 May 2006, Friday Time: 2248hours Venue: Gotham Penthouse Function: "We Don't Want To Go Home Yet" Party FunanaBananas: LMM, CFB, Sharkbait, ColourfulShoes and BoyWonder Headed down to Gotham after that. Amazingly, we actually walked there instead of taking a cab. A very interesting and yet strange mix of group clubbing. But, hey...it a blast as usual, just cause...

So cute la these two....trying their darnest to look like the fish in the tank.

I was watching ColourfulShoes & CFB watch the "crazy ass hand clapping couple" dancing...hahaha...that was fucking hilarious. Your faces were a classic. I was laughing so much, I almost peed in my pants!!!

The night ended with "Hey...you guys hungry?" and we headed down to TCC where Colourful's husband works. And the food there was fucking fantastic....warm and snuggly in our tummy.

Give CFB a jug of ice water and all is good in her world.

Date: 13 May 2006, Saturday Time: 2156hours Venue: CFB's House Function: "Ooooo....let's play a game!" HappyBananas: PP, CFB, WAP, OGB, OGB Bf & Sharkbait Finally game day arrived. Dinner at CFB's place. Dessert too... The game Bamboozle In Your Shoes got booted out because I didn't bring it...but hey...there was alot of liquid paper involved!! So WAP decided he'd head down to Toys R Rus to get a game...and that boy is spiffy with game choosing.

CFB's yummilicous cupcakes...it makes you bloody crave for more.

GAME TIME!!!!!!!! Cranium Madness!!

Players: - 1) PP & OGB Bf aka Team "Smarty Pants" 2) CFB & WAP aka Team "Gutenhagg" 3) OGB & Sharkbait aka Team "Don't Let Me Beat You"

Winner: Team "Smarty Pants"

Team "Gutenhagg" and Team "Don't Let Me Beat You" are demanding for a rematch... Sooo....my little guptas... Cranium Conga anyone?

*Photo design courtesy of CFB and her fingers

Dear OGB,

2006-05-11T12:19:00.000+08:00

"You come to find love Not by finding the perfect person But by loving an imperfect person perfectly"

-OGB's fav quote-

I sat across you last night. I watched you watch him. I saw it in your eyes. You tried your very best to hide it…but I saw that look. You told me about him a long while ago. You were hesitant because you’ve always been stringed along and you always let your guard down when it comes to finding that someone. I sat across you both last night. You, watching him when he was talking. I saw him looking at you whenever you laughed and told stories about work. You may not see it…but I did. I saw it in his eyes, just as I saw it in your eyes. I was scared for you in the beginning. Because you always throw all caution into the wind when it comes to finding love. You walked off to go order food…and his eyes followed you. He noticed me watching but pretended it was nothing. He used to be hesitant about meeting your friends. All he needed was time. You knew that. You waited. I remember the first time he said yes to having dinner with us. You looked surprised when the conversation ended. You were excited, I could tell because you kept looking around for him. Afraid he might let you down again and yet, hoping he’ll just turn up.He did. And that smile of yours….lit up your face. I knew then, you’ve fallen for him. For a while, you thought you were settling. He can be an arse. Irritating too and unreasonable. You see that and then you see all of him. He wears his heart on his sleeve too, you know. You’ve found yourself while you were searching for someone. And you finally realize just how much you’re worth. I sat across you last night. You were laughing along with him. You saw me smiling to myself, because I know for the longest time you’ve always wanted something to call your own and cherish. For someone who loves you, all of you. So there may be huge fights, unreasonable explanations, regrets brought out. But when you’re walking down the street, his hand always finds yours. I walked behind you both last night. Indra Jane and Picchue Pakrie were the discussed children’s name. He laughed along with us. I know you wonder most of the time whether he feels the way you do. He may not mention it very often, but you can tell the way he looks at you. He’s a part of you, just as you’re a part of him. He knows you. Maybe not fantastic well, but he’s learning. You both see a future together. Maybe not now, maybe not soon….but in time….he will keep asking for directions and you will always show him the way. It’s the traveling that counts in love….not the destination.

whales of love

2006-05-10T10:48:00.000+08:00

First love:

Love at first sight. Orientation. Spilt ice-cream all over uniform. Fell down from bench during a stunt. Broke arm. Acted all cool and calm. Nervous and scared inside. Admired from a distance. Letters about best friend. Fell down at the basketball court. Loved everything. Roses. Everyday. Tried too hard. Klutz. Swooning. Hurt. Lessons from a distance.

Growing Love:

Friends since 13. Together at 16. Friendship first. Relationship second. Shy. Scared. Long conversations over the phone. Fighting. Teasing. Anniversaries. First kiss. Flowers. Bears. Poems. Songs. Cards. Surprises. Break-up. Regrets. No status. In love. Promises. My house. Her house. Commitment. Didn't want one. Scared. Concerts. Camps. Lies. Promises. Laughter. Walks. Pager codes. Studying. Making out. Make-up. Break-up. Broken promises. Stop believing. Reality from a distance.

Maybe Love:

Friends. Crush. House parties. Silly games. Silly conversations. One kiss. Exchanged contacts. Silly messages. Feelings all over. Heart all over. Alcohol. Long conversations. Laughter. Silly stories. Maybe. Maybe not. Who's to know. June 25. Gone. Thoughts normal. Or so I thought. Dreams from a distance.

Different Love:

Lessons. Reality. Dreams. Distance. Believe. Different. Safe. Calm. Secret keeper. Heart keeper. Conversations. Serious conversations. Jelly. Hilarious conversations. Smiles. Grins. Aeroplanes. Cranes. Encouragement. Fix. Anam. You. Mind keeper. Boyfriends. Cara. Girlfriends. Husbands. Wives. Change. Holidays. Unexpected surprises. Never expecting. Unconditional. Warmth. Plans. Walks. Secret passage ways. Laughter. Tears. A lot of laughter. Beans. Silent conversations. Acceptance. Judging. Maybe a little bit. Fix. Orea. Me. Spilt food. Secrets. Future plans. Late nights. Promises. Tumble. A gift. Tot. Angel. Journey. Strength. Advice. Time. Hope. Listen. Sharing. Beautiful. Disagreements. Understanding. Forgetful. Sunshine. Breath of fresh air. Lost. Scared. Wishes. Blessed. Thoughtful. Truth. Soul. Sunbeams. Happy. Sad. Blue. Mad. Brown. Lonely. Angry. Hugs. Happy pill. Adventures. Precious. Unique. Moment. Humour. Treasure. Thankful. Knowing smiles. Silent thoughts. Stories. Then. Now. Tomorrow. Here. Always. Everyday. Reality lessons of love from a distance in a dream.

"I believe that you can fall in love many times with different people.

However I don't think you can fall in love the same way twice"

-Jodi Picoult, Songs of the Humpback Whale-

toast on my butter

2006-05-09T14:38:00.000+08:00

“I close my eyes when I get too sad I think thoughts that I know are bad Close my eyes and I count to ten Hope it's over when I open them”

I’m standing here, unsure of this place. I’ve been here before, it feels familiar but it looks different. I see you standing across the room. Suddenly the room is filled with people and balloons. It keeps getting crowded every second. I lost you in the crowd. Panic sets in. I tried to move across the room, to find you. It’s hard with all these people and balloons. I’m praying you’re still standing at the same spot across the room.

“Close my eyes when I go to bed And I dream of angels who make me smile I feel better when I hear them say Everything will be wonderful someday”

I’m standing here, unsure of this place. I’ve been here before, it feels familiar but it looks different. The room has emptied. It’s nothing but a dark open space. You’re no longer across the room. I couldn’t get to you in time. You’re gone. I want to get out of the room. Maybe then everything will fall into place. Maybe then I’ll understand why they say the things they say.

“Promises mean everything when you're little And the world's so big I just don't understand how You can smile with all those tears in your eyes Tell me everything is wonderful now”

I’m standing here at this place. I’ve been here before. I see you standing across the room. I make my way towards to you immediately. Afraid I will lose you in the crowd of people and balloons again. The more steps I take to move towards you, the farther you seem to appear. I grow frantic, running after you. You start to fade into the background.

“Love I get so lost, sometimes Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart When I want to run away I drive off in my car But whichever way I go I come back to the place you are”

I’m standing here. I’ve been here before, with you. Take my hand. Lead the way and I’ll follow. I get lost sometimes, I fall because I don't see where I go.....

But always remember; whenever you’re walking down the street and you think of me, know that I’m walking in your footsteps….just half a step behind.

the mind of a colourfulshoe

2006-05-08T16:15:00.000+08:00

This is a story about a girl I work with, ColourfulShoes.She sits beside me with a grey partition separating us. She has six friends sitting on that partition. They are her friendly toys. She won't allow me touch them or move them around. But sometimes I do...she just doesn't know. I've secret names for each of her six toy friends. Everybody thinks ColourfulShoes is a neat person. She has her work table in order. And she always makes fun of my messy table. But...alas, I have found out the truth. Remember that episode in Friends, the one with Monica's secret messy cupboard that she hid away from the world? Well....ColourfulShoes has one too.. Her drawer: Please see Exhibit A below. Exhibit A Sometimes she hides my m&ms from me, she even wears m&ms on her sweater pretending they are some sort of new design! Sometimes, when she has too much coffee, she likes to stand on her chair and swirl around. Then when she's bored in the toilet, she does designing with toilet paper taking her time when she's suppose to have lunch with me....Please see below Exhibit B. Exhibit B Remember the sad little elephant bugger she tried to draw? If you've forgotten, no worries...I've put it up in Exhibit C. Exhibit C But alas....you see, DesignerKim (her best friend) realized ColourfulShoes has no drawing talent...and drew this for her. So that ColourfulShoes can pretend that she drew it herself. I mean seriously...compare Exhibit C and Exhibit D (as shown below) carefully. Exhibit D It's even funnier when I put the two pictures side by side.

float me away

2006-05-02T17:37:00.000+08:00

There was once a boat. A small boat with a whole load of people floating down the rivers of Bora Bora. Sometimes, the boat got too heavy….with all the dancing and crazy things that go on the boat. But no matter what, the boat made sure, it made people safe. Well…at least it tried. Soon…people on the boat decided to find new boats. And the boat got lighter. The boat felt weird though…what good is a boat if there was no one on it to go floating with. So the boat thought its best if it drifted up north instead. But the boat was scared before it left….so it tied the people’s new boat to its anchor...so that it will always be around..in case the other boats caught on fire or a shark ate it. Or in case there’s a hole in the other boats…this particular boat will be around. As it traveled up to the north….the boat began to realize a lot of things. So slowly, it made its way to the north…The boat suddenly became really tired. The strings it was pulling was beginning to tire it out. Sometimes the boat wanted to cut the strings it was tugging along…other times, the boat wanted to just shipwreck itself. But just when the boat was about too…the anchor of the boat held it down. Letting it rest for awhile. The anchor was made of a really special material. It kept the boat safe and it let the boat rest. Never allowing it to cut the strings or to throw itself to the rocks.

How many times do I have to try to tell you That I'm sorry for the things I've done But when I start to try to tell you That's when you have to tell me Hey... this kind of trouble's only just begun I tell myself too many times Why don't you ever learn to keep your big mouth shut That's why it hurts so bad to hear the words That keep on falling from your mouth Falling from your mouth Falling from your mouth Tell me... Why Why I may be mad I may be blind I may be viciously unkind But I can still read what you're thinking And I've heard is said too many times That you'd be better off Besides... Why can't you see this boat is sinking Let's go down to the water's edge And we can cast away those doubts Some things are better left unsaid But they still turn me inside out Turning inside out turning inside out Tell me... Why Tell me... Why This is the book I never read These are the words I never said This is the path I'll never tread These are the dreams I'll dream instead This is the joy that's seldom spread These are the tears... The tears we shed This is the fear This is the dread These are the contents of my head And these are the years that we have spent And this is what they represent And this is how I feel Do you know how I feel? 'Cause I don't think you know how I feel I don't think you know what I feel I don't think you know what I feel You don't know what I feel

-Why, Annie Lennox-

But the boat has realized now, rather sadly…that the strings have to go. It’s accepted that all boats go down different paths at seas…the back of the boat is bruised and way too tired. Yes, so…the anchor may not always be around cause fishes and sun are quite tough on special material anchors…but its ok.

At least…up north there are dolphins.

snow down the dead leaves

2006-05-01T23:17:00.000+08:00

Mother Sharkbait: " Sharkbait!!!!!! I'm home. Quickly come here and go carry my bags. Sharkbait: "Heyyy!!! Mum!! Finally...." Mother Sharkbait: "The bags...go handle the bags. Oh Dear!! What happen to the plants? Dad's plants. How come they look like that?" Dubai: "Erm....yah..about that...I'll grab the bags...Sharkbait..you tell mum the story" Sharkbait: "Soo...you see we watered them, looked after them, even tried talking to them...but they just dried up accidentally" Mother Sharkbait: "Hide the pot quickly before dad gets in." Father Sharkbait: "Helllooo children....How are you? What have you been up....you didn't water the plants like I told you right. You forgot. My plants died. How did they die. I should have known. How come until like that...they don't have leaves!" Sharkbait: "Nooo..not all died dad..just one pot." Dubai: "Yeah...One pot only dad...don't worry, everything else is all good." Mother Sharkbait: "Well..at least they didn't burn down the house" Dubai: "About that.....yeah..the neighbours might want a chat with you guys" Sharkbait: "Sooo...erm...you guys hungry by any chance??" ---------------------------------------------------- I just had to put this photograph of Mother & Father Sharkbait on their first long ass holiday. She was so excited to tell us about the snow adventure that she went on and on and made us sit beside her so she could explain the rules of her snowball fight! Mother Sharkbait: "You know Sharkbait...if I die now, I'm happy. I've seen snow, I touched snow...I had a snowball fight and I won. Those who got hit deserved it. I'm very happy. "

somebody stop me

2006-04-27T15:26:00.000+08:00

I made the purchase. I couldn't resist. OOohh boy..I can't wait till it arrives. Even Dubai went crazhee.

I got this at first Then I saw this and thought...why the hell not. It looks fucking awesome. Then I thought it would be a nice collection series if I got this one too... And then I thought this was such a beauty...I mean...it was sooo meant for my shelf. The I remembered I forgot I'm getting this one too. I'm sooo screwed.

(haha..I finally got you to see it)

Mother Sharkbait is soooo gonna flip when she finds out. Somebody needs to stop me.

Really. It's an sickness. A very happy, crazhee, expensive illness.

Lazy, Crazy, Fuzzy Day

2006-04-17T10:43:00.000+08:00

I had the most wonderful Easter with the “Best Buds”. CFB, OGB, PP, WAP & BimBam came over for dinner after mass. It was fun talking and laughing at the dinner table. Watching CFB offer black sauce pork chops to everyone when she had already staked her claim on them…PP going crazy over the egg curry and finally getting some meat in her system. OGB toggling between her hp, eating and trying to listen to the conversation and looking confused.. “Huh? What?...who wants my egg york?” BimBam looking frantically for the water tumbler cause chicken curry had way too much chilli. And WAP, the fleeting fairy…who said Grace in true WAP style, who swears that jello shots are so his thing…but after a few spoonfuls and his face going red…he suddenly decides maybe they aren’t. Dubai giggling way too much from watching WAP & CFB taking turns and asking “ Ok, what’s the plan? What’s the plan?” every few minutes. A little tipsy from champagne and jello shots…we were all ready. Although, we had to work together to fill up another 100 or so packets of water. BimBam and WAP had sink/water duty. Rest of us had the tying up of packets duty. With 3 buckets and my parents clothes bin filled to the brim with water bomb packets, we headed outside. Alliances were made days before, some during mass. Strategies were formed and all planned out. Everybody wearing their sports attire…ok ok..not the spiffy kind, but we did look kinda sporty. And the Water Bomb fight was about to commence. Imagine 7 people crowding around 3 buckets of packets of waters. Trying to figure out the rules of the game…but there wasn’t enough time when “TO WAR” was heard. Everything went crazy. Of course…WAP just had to throw the first packet into my neighbour’s house. Then suddenly…packets of water flying everywhere…running and screaming….poor WAP..had a couple of water bombs in his hands…but he just had no time to hit anyone…CFB, OGB, PP & BimBam bamboozled him. He fell pleaing… “No..no, I’m not ready”. 7 kids causing chaos along the streets at 11plus at night….and when someone yelled “CAR!!!” We all scrambled to the side with one of us carrying the basket from the middle of the road to the corner….we even had time to fill up another 200 packets outside my house….While playing “Poison Ball” or as WAP would call it..“Poison Bola” one of us just had to go to a corner and pee…No seriously…someone pee-ed at the corner of my neighbours place…then 3 others decided they needed to pee too. I crack up every time I think of it. Yep, they bloody pee-ed. Shampoo was brought out into the street….WAP & Bimbam did a “Herbal Essences” commercial on the street. Everybody started washing their hair in the middle of the road. All of us in a straight line washing each others hair. That was hilarious!! All the cars within the area were wet because of us….soap duds were on the road….piss at some people’s house…a grumpy neighbour telling us to tone it down… 7 somewhat grown-ups became kids again, who forgot responsibilities for a while, who forgot all their worries, forgot about work & school…who thought only of getting the packets of water and who their next target was, laughing way too much till stomachs hurt. You know it was an awesome weekend, when you walk into work on Monday morning and your body is aching and you’re sleepy…but smiling because that picture of you guys at the dinner table and playing in the streets, smiling, laughing and talking is still in my head.

Email Subject: Hello Darlings…(When in Rome, so what the Romans do)

2006-04-12T17:15:00.000+08:00

Dear Gals, How are you all, and the sayang girls....? Better make sure that they eat well.. and they are not thinnnnnnn....The weather here is very, very cold even during the afternoons, even when the sun is up. The house walls and wooden fence areas are cold to touch. Ops..ops..ops.. The house have all got heaters all over.. Even in the toilets.. Cold kex…kex gets hard fast because of the weather.... Mummy is all the time covered up not like me, the Feather who likes the cold. (You believe him, lah – this is mummy by the way) Every where you can see many types of plant and colored flowers....the whole of London town. (This reminds me of my plants at home, water them and make sure there are fruits) We travelled via the Bristish MRT, Singapore beats their standard. The London double-decker open-top for a tour of London town... it was fun. Ohh... daddy's wish came true. He had to pose with the Bollywood beauty.... Ms Rai. Here we saw the beauty and the beast. Aunty Sheela posed with lady Diana. Here again we saw the beast posing with the beauty. The two clever people.. of course Jaro and I (your mother) are keeping money for shopping. Yeah, yeah.. we heard you... will buy the rainbow colours. Today we will be leaving for Lourdes for 2 days, and 3 days in Paris after which we will be leaving for Switzerland and may be to Germany. Then it will be back London for the rest of the stay..... We may also plan to go to Scotland for 3 days. So, please take care of yourselves, the dogs and the house. Remember all the rules...(please see rules attached below) and not to come back late. Love you both tremendously, dad and mum. The Rules 1) Do not come home late. We will know if you come home late. We have our ways. 2) Make sure you feed the dogs properly and clean them. We will know if you don’t do it cause when we come home we will ask them. 3) Make sure you wash the clothes. Even if it’s just a small load. We will know, we have our ways. 4) Do not break any glass in the house, we counted them. 5) Do not touch the wine chiller. I counted and tagged all the bottles of wine. I would know it’s missing. 6) Debbie, make sure you iron your uniform properly. 7) Kelly, remember to put back the ironing board. 8) If it rains, look for the zink and see that it is covering our house. 9) Fold all clothes. 10) How to make the dogs kex (shit)? You know how? Remember what I told you do Kel, that day in the morning. 11) Check the letter box. 12) If there are no letters, ask the postman why 13) Water my flowers. 14) I will know if you do not water them properly, they will be dried up. 15) I have gathered all our plants together for easy watering. 16) Make your beds everyday. 17) Debbie, make sure Kelly sleeps early and Kelly make sure Debbie is in bed early every night 18) Water my plants everyday. 19) Do not have any parties. 20) If you’re having a party, make sure that there is enough food for them. 21) We have extras in the freezer. 22) Throw out the rubbish everyday. 23) Make sure you eat everyday. 24) Do not be naughty. 25) Debbie, listen to your sister. 26) Kelly, be nice to Debbie and help her study. 27) Make sure you check the temperature of my wine chiller 28) I made a checklist of the things you need to check…it’s somewhere in my room. 29) Go to church every Sunday, we will call the priest and check with him 30) Be good and clean up after the party please.

The Return of Llama Spooks!!

2006-04-07T14:30:00.000+08:00

* Sing to the tune of Llama Llama Duck Here's a mother, There's a father, They are not like normal fathers, Maybe I should be a llama, Llama llama fuck! Llama's don't beds to make, And llamas don't have leaves to rake, I should be a fucking llama, Please just shoot me now. I was never bothered, I used to be so free, I always took it in my stride but I think I lost the key. Coz now I can't remember, How it got to thiiis, Why lah, Why is life like that Oh llama llama fuck. Did you ever see a llama, It's name just might be Sharkbait llama, I might have turned into a llama, Llama llama fuck. Half a ham-slice, Twice the ham-slice, I'd like some bread with my sweet ham-slice, But they steal it all, The bloody greedy greedy ducks. Is that how it's told now? Is it all so old? Is my life all over, No I don't think so. Coz for a long twenty days I will be all free! Time for me to retire now and become a duck. YEAH!

Confused Fish

2006-03-30T10:25:00.000+08:00

Sharkbait: “Hey mum…Happy Birthday” Mother Sharkbait: “Sharkbait, I’m writing down the list of instructions for you to follow when your father & I are away” Sharkbait: “Ya ok…but Happy Birthday Mother!! (arms stretched out for a hug) Mother Sharkbait: “Now, when we are gone..will you have food? Do you know how to lock the doors?” Sharkbait: “Yes mother..don’t worry all will be good. I promise I won’t allow Dubai to play with matches” Mother Sharkbait: “Matches? Why matches? She smokes?” Father Sharkbait: “Who smokes? Where got smoke? You cooking?” Sharkbait: “NO NO…nothing never mind. Everything is fine!!” Father Sharkbait: “I think I better check the stove if there’s smoke cause when we’re gone…..” (Walks off talking to himself) Mother Sharkbait: “Now remember we’ll be gone for 20 days. If either one of you is sick, who do you call?” Sharkbait: “Ghostbusters!! Doctors!!! The Ghost!!!!” Mother Sharkbait: “SHARKBAIT!!!!!!” Sharkbait: “Ma, come on la…we’ll be ok. I promise. Really. Maybe a party here and there…but it’s all good.” Mother Sharkbait: “You’ll be with CFB sometimes right..” Sharkbait: “Yeah…I guess..maybe…why?” Mother Sharkbait: “Then ok…She knows” Sharkbait: “She knows what???? What does she know?” Mother Sharkbait: “She will know what to do!” Sharkbait: “HUH??? Ma, what you talking about?” Mother Sharkbait: “You don’t even know how to wish your mother is it?” Sharkbait: “I just did but you…no wait, whats this with her knowing? Huh??” Father Sharkbait: “Stove is ok…no smoke”

2006-03-29T09:41:00.000+08:00

An intervention of sorts. Things I already knew. Things I found out. Things I wish I never knew. But the date is set. 8th April 2006. For almost 20 days, Dubai and I will be holding the fort. Well, at least I think we will be holding it. We’ve planned a guest list. We’ve planned the routine. We even have a list of excuses. One more week and the games will begin.

2006-03-27T05:50:00.000+08:00

Gone away for awhile.

Went fishing.

Left a couple of pizzas and beers for you guys.

And I know how many burrow toes I have.

2006-03-24T13:05:00.000+08:00

ColorfulShoes idea of her very own elephant tattoo: A little elephant. An outline of an elephant to be exact, with a bit of shading so it looks 3D. An elephant with swirly lines inside the elephant. And the elephant would be carrying a flower. ColorfulShoes, you are quite the artist. I was laughing so much, I almost peed in my pants.

I would have it on a....hey where it go??

2006-03-23T03:47:00.000+08:00

I went out grocery shopping with Bimbam, her mum & CFB. I knew what exactly I had wanted to buy. I had it all planned the minute they said they wanted to go grocery shopping. I was excited. I like shopping for grocery. I knew I needed ham. It wasn't any kind of ham. It was the Honey-Baked Ham. Nice and spiffy Honey-Baked Ham that would go really well with my Cheddar Cheese singles. I like ham and cheese sandwich. I was going have a sandwich in the morning on the way to work. And I had already decided a peanut butter and a slice of Cheddar Cheese singles for lunch. As you can see I had it all planned out. Then I chanced upon some yummy yogurt. I'd been craving yogurt since the last time I craved yogurt. I knew I had to get some..so I did. Apple-Crumble yogurt. I was going to watch American Idol while enjoying the smooth and awesome taste of Apple-Crumble yogurt. Planned. I had it all planned. I paid for my purchases, chilled a bit before heading home. Still, with my Bread (i forgot to mention, I bought Bread too. To make a sandwich, one would indeed need Bread)with the Bread, Apple-Crumble yogurt, Honey-Baked Ham & my packet Cheddar Cheese singles all in one plastic bag, I made my way home with the BimBam, her mum & CFB. Now, upon reaching home, I still had the plastic bag with my Bread, Apple-Crumble yogurt, Honey-Baked Ham & Cheddar Cheese singles all intact. I had a chat with my dad in the hall. Still plastic bag with my Bread, Apple-Crumble yogurt, Honey-Baked Ham & Cheddar Cheese singles in my hand. I had a chat with my mum in her bedroom. Also with the plastic bag with my Bread, Apple-Crumble yogurt, Honey-Baked Ham & Cheddar Cheese singles in my hand. I decided it was time to shower. So I place the plastic bag with my Bread, Apple-Crumble yogurt, Honey-Baked Ham & Cheddar Cheese singles on the kitchen counter. 10mins later. I decided I had better put all those spiffy stuff in the fride when I find out that my Apple-Crumble yogurt, Honey-Baked Ham & Cheddar Cheese singles are bloody missing from the plastic bag. So I check the fride. Maybe, just maybe, my parents were trying to be helpful. Or maybe Dubai decided to help instead. I checked the fride. I checked the freezer. I even checked the big freezer. But there was no Apple-Crumble yogurt, Honey-Baked Ham & Cheddar Cheese singles. The plastic bag only had Bread. Where in the blazes was my Apple-Crumble yogurt, Honey-Baked Ham & Cheddar Cheese singles? So I decide to trace back my steps. I walk out to the garden. I thought maybe the dogs decided to have themselves a sandwich. I wouldn't have minded at all. I was thinking I could at least salvage something. But NO, my Apple-Crumble yogurt, Honey-Baked Ham & Cheddar Cheese singles was not in the garden. I checked the hall. The couch. Behind the Tv. NO, my Apple-Crumble yogurt, Honey-Baked Ham & Cheddar Cheese singles was not in the hall. I checked my mum's bedroom. Under the blanket. Under the pillows. The cupboards. NOO!!!! My Apple-Crumble yogurt, Honey-Baked Ham & Cheddar Cheese singles was not in the bedroom. I checked my own bedroom. In the clothes basket, behind my bed, under my pillows. In all my cupboards. Nothing!! Zilch. Nada. The bastard Apple-Crumble yogurt, Honey-Baked Ham & Cheddar Cheese singles was nowhere in sight. I knew I was carrying it with me. I knew I had it with me the whole time. I knew because I remember showing my mum the stuff in the plastic bag. BUT THERE WAS NO Apple-Crumble yogurt, Honey-Baked Ham & Cheddar Cheese singles in sight!!!!!!! WHY?? WHAT HAPPEN TO MY Apple-Crumble yogurt, Honey-Baked Ham & Cheddar Cheese singles??????? So I sit here in the middle of the night. Unable to fucking sleep. Thinking maybe I could do with some Apple-Crumble yogurt, Honey-Baked Ham & Cheddar Cheese singles. It would kinda make me happy. Instead, I am actually wondering whether I bought all those stuff or it was just my imagination. Because if it was just my imagination, then that settles it then. I'm crazy. Paint me white and give me a straight jacket. I'm off to the crazy house. I might as well just smear shit all over my walls. But I swear I saw my Apple-Crumble yogurt, Honey-Baked Ham & Cheddar Cheese singles. I swear I saw the grocery man put it in my plastic bag. Because all I have right now is Bread. And I'm not feeling very spiffy about the Bread. I need help.

sheepless nights

2006-03-22T04:59:00.000+08:00

Its nights like these that keep me awake. Even counting sheep or throwing a white cloth over mind doesn’t help anymore. It’s getting tiring with all the noise. Reminds of a time when I was at Kent Road, where the noise never stopped. I wished I was bigger so I could do something about it. I don’t remember how old I was..but I remember she was over at atah’s house. Now I know why I saw him as a role model. I wanted very much to be like my eldest cousin. So I could stop you.

2006-03-21T05:28:00.000+08:00

Please, please forgive me, But I won't be home again. Maybe someday you'll have woke up, And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one: "Isn't something missing?” You won't cry for my absence, I know You forgot me long ago. Am I that unimportant...? Am I so insignificant...? Isn't something missing? Isn't someone missing me? Even though I'd be sacrificed, You won't try for me, not now. Though I’d die to know you love me, I'm all alone. Isn't someone missing me? Please, please forgive me, But I won't be home again. I know what you do to yourself, Shudder deep and cry out: “Isn't something missing? Isn't someone missing me?" And if I bleed, I’ll bleed, Knowing you don't care. And if I sleep just to dream of you And wake without you there, Isn’t something missing? Isn’t something...

-Missing by Evanescence-

Cold and confused. Lost in my mind’s shadows. I swear I’ve seen your face somewhere before. You look the same except for the eyes. It’s different.

Close my eyes hoping no one else will see me cause I’ve realized I’m exactly who I don’t want to be.

Acceptance can be a bitch.

wordplay

2006-03-20T10:00:00.000+08:00

On the phone at work…. Sharkbait: “Babe, I feel like crap la. CFB: “Yeah me too…what to do ah” Sharkbait: “I think I should just lie on the road and get a car to run over me.” CFB: “Hmm…the road. I just want to roll.” Sharkbait: “What??” CFB: “Roll around. I just want to roll around the road. I feel like rolling today” Sharkbait imagines CFB rolling and burst out into uncontrollable laughter. ___________________________________________________________ In the toilet... CFB: “Babe..look at my hair…it’s too curly. Sharkbait: “It looks alright babe…really” CFB: “No la..why does it have to be so curly. Look at it..it looks crazy” Sharkbait: “Maybe it’s because you just washed it” CFB: “No…I think it’s because I use curling lotion for my hair” Sharkbait: (trying hard to control laughter) “CFB, why?? Why are you like this?”

2006-03-17T10:49:00.000+08:00

I’m scared. I’m scared that I’m like you when provoked. I’m scared that when you do what you do, I might lose it. And when I do lose it, I’ll regret it. I can’t hang on any longer. It should not bother me. I should know by now how to ignore it and act like it’s as normal as day. It used to be easy pushing it away, burying it far away cause when it was alright, it really was alright. Or so I thought. But when it happens over and over, all of it rushes back to me at once. It’s a struggle now, for me to control it. Overwhelming even. That’s why I don’t believe. That’s why I don’t think I deserve it. That’s why I feel the way I do. And I absolutely hate myself for it.

waseeem and the washing machine

2006-03-16T17:50:00.000+08:00

It’s a pattern. A sick twisted pattern that occurs every year around this time. The mad blah pattern of stagnantness and boredom. The bug has laid its eggs and they are all hatching and weaving their master-plan of all master-plans. We’ve reached a rut. It’s that time of the year where the weather starts becoming really hot and bothersome. And daily life happenings start to look like everyday misery. You try to find the joy in the simplest of things but unfortunately, because it’s that time of the year, you don’t really think that the simplest of things are really simple and neither are they very joyous. You start dreaming of far away places…To be whisked off and find something new and refreshing. And you realize you can’t have those dreams NOW! You have to wait. That’s the pattern, the sick pattern that starts its weaving around you. Thinking about the waiting. It’s the waiting that sucks you dry. Sucks the energy right out of your system. You suddenly have major flashbacks of happy time in a far away place. Then you become a little depressed because you have to wait for a long long time before those dreams become a reality. You want to start planning to make the dream come true but you’re tired with all these thoughts and the weather makes you way too zoned out to be planning anything. This time of the year has begun rather early actually. Usually, it starts around mid May and messes you till August. But this year, this time of the year has crept its way rather early and its not even end March. So now, with a heavy heart and smile that doesn’t quite reach the eyes, we shuffle rather dejectedly thru day by day. Willing ourselves to make the day past by faster than usual. Forcing to think of something to do everyday or attempting to plan an exciting weekend. I am trying my darnest to plan something. To think of something spiffy to do. But let’s be honest, I’m all planned out. I’m pooped. Whatever I plan isn’t going to be spiffy. And because it’s that time of the year…nobody wants to be doing anything either. Not down here at least. There isn’t going to be a jet plan to take me away. So for now, I’ll just dream I guess. Of the time where I was far away, where the wind blew my heart away leaving me free and happy. Of sunshine rays that weren’t too hot but just nice to make my skin feel warm and roastey of little things that were simple and yet funny…. of sprinkles of little crazhee laughter over palm sized burgers And everything else actually....we just kept on laughing... The lazy walks and talks that made me feel all was good in the world…. the tripping, dropping and slipping that made us giggle like little kids. The secret corners and drunkard stories we’ve written in our book of lives. The surprised and contented looks that made our hearts at peace with itself. It’s that time of the year again. The bug and hatchlings are at it again. Their sick bastard plan of weaving us round their tiny insect legs…their mad crazy joy of sucking the energy out of us. To you; this time of the year…I say, “I spit at you.” You may weave a jumper suit of depression around me for all I care…you may suck as much energy you want….but know this you stinking piece of gumball pompus arse-grass pansy shit, you can have it all…but you will never get these precious memories of mine.

Adventures of Sharkbait's Mind - Espisode 1

2006-03-15T16:00:00.000+08:00

What you're about to read makes sense to those who do make any in their coffee shoes. It really depends if you have an eye or two to understand. Or if you wore your contacts the other way around. Or if you have your nose in a twist and your socks in your locks. 1500hours oooo….coffee. I'm gonna have a cup of coffee. Coffee….(starts singing coffee song in her head) 1501hours coffee and a smoke….whoohoooo…oh shit, I need to reply that email 1503hours wow…my pencil sharpener is quite spiffy. 1504hours hehe…(giggles) 1505hours maybe I'll go disturb colorful shoes in abit. Should I sms jones? 1506hours sms jones, tumbletots or jellybean? 1508hours er..should I or shouldn't I 1509hours I want m&ms 1510hours m&m!! m&m!! m&m!!!! (a riot breaks out) starts imagining little m&m mini's holding brooms and mops and tiny ass signage's 1510hours cupcakes. I got start the phase 1 of cupcakes. (starts singing the cupcake song) 1510hours trying to control laughter in the head when mini cupcakes & mini m&ms riot together… 1511hours sms or not to sms 1513hours - A fight errupts in Sharkbait's mind. (Thought 1 vs Thought 2) Thought 1: "You're a nut" Thought 2: "Noo..You're a nut...nut nutter nuttest!!! boo" Thought 1: "Why do they call a black out a black out" Thought 2: "Shut up bitch, I'm not in the mood" Thought 1: "But why?" Thought 2: "Heart pain" Thought 1: "turkey sandwich?" Thougt 2 : "It's no wonder they want to hit you." Thought 1: "Who" Thought 2: (Screaming) "shut uppp, shhhuttt uppp" Thought 1: "Geezz...touchy" Thought 2: "Juice?" Thought 1: "Rahul!!!!!" Thought 3: "Look Ma, No hands!!!" Thought 1, 2, 3: (burst out laughing loudly) Thought 1: "Lets go pee" Thought 2: "Visit colorful shoes first" Thought 1: "ooohhh ya....better call her to see if she's in office" Thought 2: "And just sms man..you know you want too" Thought 1: "Madness!! This is madness!!!" Thought 2: "Go pee whorehey!!!" It's just not safe anymore.

hide and seek

2006-03-13T14:15:00.000+08:00

I hid it in my pocket but my pocket has a hole. So I hid it in my sock but my sock has all my toes. So I hid in my hair but it got in the way of the soap. I hid it in my cupboard but my clothes got in the way. I hid it in my shoes but I kept tripping over my shoelaces. I hid it in my heart but now my heart pain. So I hid it in a secret place. Where no one knows but me. Where there is no hole, toes, soap or a coat. Where it can’t trip and flip. I hid it quietly where I know it’s safe. I hid it in your heart. I know it’s safe but mine is aching. Because yours doesn't know mine is there.

Anam Cara

2006-03-11T04:58:00.000+08:00

Was listening to it over and over. It reminded me of you.

When you try your best, but you don't succeed When you get what you want, but not what you need When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep Stuck in reverse When the tears come streaming down your face When you lose something you can't replace When you love someone, but it goes to waste Could it be worse? Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you High up above or down below When you too in love to let it go If you never try you'll never know Just what you're worth Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you

-ColdPlay, Fix You-

I would if I could.

where the heart is

2006-03-06T04:55:00.000+08:00

This is my life Its not what it was before All these feelings I've shared And these are my dreams That i'd never lived before Somebody shake me 'Cause I I must be sleeping Now that we're here, It's so far away All the struggle we thought was in vain All the mistakes, One life contained They all finally start to go away Now that we're here its so far away And I feel like i can face the day i can forgive And I'm not ashamed to be the person that i am today These are my words That I've never said before I think i'm doing okay And this is the smile That I've never shown before Somebody shake me 'cause i I must be sleeping I'm so afraid of waking Please don't shake me Afraid of waking Please don't shake me -So Far Away, Staind-

It was kept in a pocket. Protected fiercely. Refusing to let the guards down for fear of losing it and never finding it again. So nobody really knew it existed. And when they did, they tried to find it. However, it was well-hidden. Some liked to think they had the keys to the pocket. Some tried hurting the pocket because they thought that was the only way to let it out. But nobody could ever get to it...The more they tried, the more it stayed hidden and far away. Till one day...unexpectedly, a seamstress found the pocket. She didn't try to break it open, she examined the stitches gently. She didn't try to hurt it because she understood the ways of a pocket. So, she slowly undid the stitches by herself. It was afraid at first of being found out. So it tried to stay away, burying itself deeper in the pocket but there was something different about the seamstress. She didn't give up. She was patient and soothingly calm. She tamed it and she knew that it was afraid, so she took her time, allowing it to warm up to her. She let it see her even though she couldn't see it and she let it hear her even though she couldn't hear it. Because she knew that at the end of that day, it would feel the love she had for it. So she waited and she waited, she removed stich by stich...there were so many stitches. There were days when she would get tired, she would get frustrated and not want to do anything anymore, those were the days that it missed her. Those were the days when it wondered where she was. But she always always came back. Then that day came, when she had finally removed all the stitches... she saw it, it was a glimpse at first but it suddenly disappeared. So she waited. She waited and she waited. Days passed till it was almost a week...

Then one morning.. She woke up and there it was... No, not where the unstitched pocket used to be. But right there beside her on her pillow. It knew then. Perfect and beautiful. And it couldn't ask for anything more... No really. It was complete.

Llama Spooks in a Magical Disaster

2006-03-03T14:17:00.000+08:00

There's magic in the wind and there it is... high up in the sky on.... wha?? whassat??? it's the MAGICAL CARPET!! Oh my goodness and lucky Llama bloody Spooks is on it. Wind in its hair...fur...whatever it is that llama's have and gripping on to the sides for all its worth because llamas don't have fingers and their hooves make it difficult for them to grip things. Where on earth is our dear llama headed off to you ask? Don't be stupid, why you all like to ask stupid questions?? To have tea with the Black Widow Spider of course!!! Why the Black Widow Spider you ask again? Weeeelll... beecaaauuse, the BWS recently suffered the loss of her Black Husband Spider and Llama decided it would just trottity trot over to cheer her up. SO. It was a long journey right, from FairyLand to SpiderWebs and Llama Spooks was tired, so it took a nap and almost fell of the carpet 5 times and realised that it was more tiring to sleep than to stay awake because it kept getting scared that it was going to fall off and then WHOA! it'd almost fall off and it was a vicous cycle. So Llama Spooks decided to stay awake instead. And it was the best decision it could've ever made because the view was spectacular. In fact, "spectacular" doesn't even quite cut it. The stars were huge and there were so many of them Llama Spooks got giddy trying to count them. Well, also because the carpet was flying at breakneck speed and Llama Spooks had already puked twice *poor Llama Spooks*. Over snow peaked mountain tops, through valleys and skirting just above the deep blue ocean Llama Spooks flew. Smiling to itself and enjoying the ride thoroughly... *THUMP* Oop! We've reached SpiderWebs. Now, if only Llama Spooks could find Black Widow Spider... "Where is that bitch? I'm bloody tired as it is.." So what to do right? Go straight. Because Llama Spooks had a friend that told it that "When it doubt, always go straight! You'll never go wrong Llama Spooks!" So Llama Spooks listened. And went straight. Walking walking walking walking, Llama Spooks started to get tired. So it climbed on to the magical carpet and let the carpet do the flying for a while. The carpet too was tired, so it was flying reeeeeeeaaaaal slow and Llama Spooks finally drifted off to sleep. Then suddenly... "LLAAAAAMA SPOOOOOKS!!! OH MY GAD! IS THAT YOOOU????!!" Poor Llama Spooks woke up with such a fright it almost got a heart attack and died. But thank goodness, it didn't. And who would it be right, but Black Widow Spider!!! YAY!!! Llama Spooks had found her! Llama Spooks jumped; well not really jumped off because the carpet wasn't that high up to begin with, off the carpet and ran...galloped towards Black Widow Spider. Hooves outstretched *oh my goodness, can you imagine a llama running on it's hind legs with it's front legs outstretched? I fell off my chair laughing* and embraced Black Widow Spider's head. Llama Spooks could only hug Black Widow Spider's head because Llama Spooks's 'arms' aren't that long. *haha! I almost fell of the chair again* And you know what happened in the end right? Quickly tell me!! Cause I didn't see that movie!!

a fool i am

2006-03-02T23:41:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time since it was this quiet. So I sit here now. Thinking. Something I should not be doing at all. Just one message. And you get to me. I let it get to me.

Did I drive you away I know what you'll say, You say, 'Oh, sing one we know,' But I promise you this, I'll always look out for you, That's what I'll do. I say 'oh,' I say 'oh.' My heart is yours, It's you that I hold on to, That's what I do, And I know I was wrong, But I won't let you down, (Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah I will, yes I will:) I say 'oh,' I cry 'oh.' Yeah I saw sparks, Yeah I saw sparks, And I saw sparks, Yeah I saw sparks, Sing it out.

-Coldplay, Sparks-

The Ressurection

2006-02-27T18:05:00.000+08:00

So guess what.. Goldie resurrected. Hooray!

So here's another story.

You see, Goldie's the kinda fairy who'd trust anyone who was nice to her. She never stopped to think "Hey... maybe there's an ulterior motive." Well at least not until now. See, when Goldie was on her way down from that toadstool, she thought to herself "Why the hell am I doing this? I'll show them. I'll be back." And the bloody bitch came back and she came back with a hell of a vengence. Don't get her wrong; Goldie is actually a really lovely fairy. She's sweet and she's nice to everyone around her, always eager to please and never being able to take it if she knows someone is angry with her (very much like Monica when she forgot to invite Rachel's mother to Rachel's bridal shower). She would always try to make nice even when she isn't quite in the mood and she always tries to be a good friend. But sometimes, her good friends are always flying around for honey and rose syrup.

There was a bunch of fools who liked to disguise as fairies, Gobbly Goblins. And so Goldie thought they were fairy friends. But oh they were also very different. They could be really mean too. Yes, evil is what they are. They were very much hated by a lot of other fairies and brownies and elves (yes, we have brought elves into the picture now) the Gobbly Goblins were very powerful. No one wanted to get into their bad books because if you did, oh God help your little fairy soul.

So one day, Goldie decided that she was going to get back at them. "I've had enough" she muttered to herself. "Why do these people get away with murder, live happily being evil and the rest of us good folk suffer like rabid dogs with sores? I need to teach them a lesson." She wasn't sure how she was going to do this, but she knew that she needed to do this alone because "Damn it, I can't trust anyone. Not even my other fairy friends because they'll tell on me too. Bastard fairies. I hope their wings drop off."

So she put together a master plan. She knew she couldn't hurt them physically, because these Gobbly Goblins are like the ticks that suck the blood out of your dogs at home. And for those who do have dogs and have had ticks on them before, you would know that those bastards are bloody difficult to kill. Soooo. She decided to beat the Gobbly Goblins at their own game and whippsplash them one by one. She had little secrets about them see, every single one of them, she knew bits of shit that no one else knew. And they're not the "I stole two sweets from the corner store" sort of secrets, but mind boggling, CRAZY ass secrets like "I actually have a murder plan about this other goblin coz she stole my shoe lace" So you see, the Gobbly Goblins, being the mean evil people that they were, also had secrets they kept from one another and Goldie decided that she was going to reveal all of them!!

MUAHAHAHAA.

But while she thought up this master plan, she realised something. She realised that if she did all that she had planned, she would be stooping to the levels of the Gobbly Goblins and that would make her like one of them. And becoming like one of them is something Goldie knew that she would never be able to live with. So feeling a little bit dejected, but at the same time relieved that she didn't go through with her plan, she sat by her fireplace, picked up the phone and called Bronzy because Bronzy would know exactly what to say. So there they were, sitting by her fireplace, Bronzy held Goldie and comforted her. He felt her pain and he wanted too much to make her feel better. So he told her "I promise my darling fairy, I'll never let the Gobbly Goblins hurt you again." And he was true to his word because right at that moment, the Gobbly Goblins were fighting a losing battle with the fire that devoured their shady huts while the Gobbly Goblins ran around screaming and mourning for that lost pair of shoes they just bought the day before. Stupid Goblins. Bronzy had set fire to their home with a lit cigarette. That's what you get for building your stupid shady huts with straw and twigs. So at the end of the day my little mustabaaas, know that the Gobbly Goblins that live in all our lives, will one day be lose their pair of shoes and will never again be able to grow nose hair.

2006-02-27T12:09:00.000+08:00

How do I get myself into trouble is amazing..really. I know I asked for it. No excuse there. Anyhow, you know who you are, Secret, invisible person whom I sometimes wish I could “throw away”....heh... I know I was horrible and I’m sorry. I was an arse. It was all in good fun though. But my sincere apologies. Will I continue with the entries? I might. But before I do, I will ask myself though, “Is it safe”

Lonesome Llama Spooks

2006-02-24T13:47:00.000+08:00

There was once a llama. A traveling llama. It's name was Llama Spooks. Llama Spooks has always been ok. It’s always been fine alone. It could go to the movies alone, go to parties, go for drinks and even hit the LlamaBagama clubs alone. It was never the sort to get cynical whenever it saw couples’ making out neither was it the jealous sort whenever it saw them holding hoofs and walking down town or wherever it is llamas walk around. But lately, things have been changing a little. No, Llama Spooks wasn’t starting to get jealous or cynical or anything like that. It just feels a little….sad. And it’s not the kind of sadness that makes you want to cry, nor is it the kind that goes off with a good chocolate cake. (Llama loves anything chocolate) It’s the sort that makes your heart feel physically painful. The sort that nudges you with puppy dog eyes and begs you to do something about it. The most difficult kind of sadness. However, Llama Spooks doesn’t want to bring anyone down, so it holds it back. Keeps it inside because other llamas have problems too. After all, being a llama can be tough. So Llama Spooks will try to be strong and will try to be brave. It will smile with all that’s happening around. It will feel truly happy as it watches them take the next step. It will still tell jokes that make everyone laugh, making a fool of itself. It will be there to lend a shoulder (llamas have awesome shoulders) and it will lend a listening ear whenever it’s needed. Llama Spooks does all these things because its happy to see them happy. It forgets the sadness for a while. Guess all Llama Spooks wants is to be held and comforted sometimes. To know its going to be ok and it won’t be alone. Cause that’s what scares Llama Spooks the most.

-

2006-02-23T10:12:00.000+08:00

It’s one of those days. I’m having one of them days. Jjust when you think the sun is going to shine down on you and you think its ok you can handle whatever comes your way. Bullfuckingshit! It starts to rain shit all over you, even then you try to maintain some kind of optimistic attitude. Then it starts to rain piss too. So you go stand in the middle of the road with shit and piss still raining on you, waiting and hoping that a car will knock you down. But you see, that’s where it’s bound to fuck up. Because you wait and hope. So instead of a car, you see an angry dog starting to chase you. You start running away from it. But the angry dog eventually gets you and starts to attack. Then far ahead you see a car. And you think, just maybe, just fucking maybe, help has arrived. The car whizzes by. It stops right beside you scaring the dog away and then you think, whew…I’m saved. Nope, the driver winds down the window, leans out and spits on you. So you try to lie down on the road, willing yourself to be taken away somehow. But instead you realize you’re knee deep in shit and there’s no way you are allowed to crumble and cry when that’s exactly what you want to do. I knew I shouldn't have missed the prozac dosage.

Alarm a Llama

2006-02-22T12:53:00.000+08:00

This is serious. I cannot stop laughing. This song is in my head. And then when I sing the song, I start laughing. Come on guys…sing it with me. Check the video and sing along!

The Llama Song - Burton Earny Here's a llama, There's a llama, And another little llama, Fuzzy llama, funny llama, Llama llama duck. Llama llama cheesecake llama, Tablet brick potato llama, Llama llama mushroom llama, Llama llama duck. I was once a treehouse, I lived in a cake, But I never saw the way the orange slayed the rake. I was only three years dead, But it told a tale, And now, listen little child to the safety rail. Did you ever see a llama Kiss a llama on the llama Llama's llama, Tastes of llama, Llama llama duck. Half a llama, Twice the llama, Not a llama, Farmer llama, Llama in a car, Alarm a llama Llama duck. Is that how it's told now? Is it all so old? Is it made of lemon juice? Doorknob ankle cold. Now my song is getting thin, I've run out of luck. Time for me to retire now and become a duck.

2006-02-22T10:18:00.000+08:00

Lady Monileigh has shared some enlightenment : “Four bloggers I tag” (most beautiful words I’ve heard since yesterday) Four jobs I have had: Accounts (who can forget Billy from Logistics), drama crew, student services (remember the guy who stole all the test tubes) marketing (adventures of Pouty began) Four Movies I could watch over and over: Top gun, Pretty Woman, Serendipity (thanks to CFB), Superman Four Places I have lived: Hooper, Kent, Casuarina and I forget. Four TV shows I would watch if I had a tv... Smallville, CSI, ER, Perfect Strangers Four vacations places I have been: Malaysia, India, Thailand and New York Four Websites I visit daily: Smallvilleph.com, kryptonite.com and all the visits to other blogs. Four fave Foods: M&Ms, mum’s chilli pork chops, Gupta CFB's cooking and her mum’s cooking Four places I'd rather be right now: In a boat at a park, in bed, white water rafting in Bora Bora and anywhere with you Four bloggers I tag.... (I love this part) ColorfulShoes, Chrysalis, StaticBrain, CFB

Court Jester

2006-02-18T00:30:00.000+08:00

This was supposed to be a funny entry, but screw that. So let me tell you guys a story... This is the story of the brownie and the fairy... Long time ago.... there lived a brownie, named Bronzy, he lived in a toadstool on the right side of the mountain. Right over on the other side of the mountain, there lived a fairy, named Goldie. Now, Bronzy and Goldie were best friends and they loved each other dearly, not intimately, more like I-would-do-anything-for-you love. Only hitch, is that it only worked one way... From Goldie to Bronzy. Not that Bronzy didn't love Goldie. He did. Massively. But maybe just not as much as Goldie loved him. So one day, Goldie decided to head over to Bronzy's house to give him a piece of her mind. She brought with her a cream pie in case he somehow managed to flip things around, then she would throw it in his face see. SO, she went to his house and guess what?! YES everyone, being the bastard brownie he was, he managed to flip it around and somehow make it about him. AGAIN. So guess what she did? Yup... She threw the pie in his face... And then she climbed to the roof of his bastard pathetic toadstool, painted on her body, "Because Bronzy was a Bastard" and jumped off... Poor Goldie... Stupid bitch. Okay...Too much coffee tonight. Hmm...hop on over to this . I copied from CFB, who copied from tipsyfaerie... Thank you everyone... Mustabaaa to you.

2006-02-17T16:18:00.000+08:00

Pouty: “Oh my!!! I think my stomach is moldy” Sharkbait: “I’m sorry, what?” Pouty then proceeds to gesture with her hands in the air screaming… “My stomach, its moldy!!!! Help” Sharkbait: “I think you need serious help Pouty” Pouty: “Should I go to the doctors now? I might die of a moldy stomach..hahaha” Sharkbait: “I think its time we stop talking to each other now” Pouty: “No la, hahhaha…I ate moldy bread this morning so I think my stomach might have molds.” Sharkbait: “Why would you eat moldy bread? Couldn’t you tell it was moldy or something?” Pouty: “Ya I did..but since I already started eating the bread I thought I might as well finish it lor. It was with cheese. Maybe the cheese was moldy. Sharkbait: “Ok” Pouty: “I ate moldy bread and you don’t even care!! Sharkbait: “Ok babe…chill, you ate it already there is nothing we can do except call the Bread Molds Doctors.” Pouty: “Hahaha..you’re funny. But can the doctors take it out? Should I see a doctor now? Oh my god, I can’t believe the bread was moldy!! I am freak cause I ate moldy bread. Am I freak?" Sharkbait: “COLORFUL SHOES!!!!!!!!!!!! RIDDLER!!!!!!!!!"

with arms outstreched

2006-02-16T11:00:00.000+08:00

Came to work with a hole in her pocket. Took a walk with a stone in her shoe. Spoke to a man who carried a black umbrella. “Is it broken?”, he asked. His umbrella looked fine, she thought. But instead she asked, “Why do you want to know?” He ignored her question but repeated his again, “Is it broken?”. She could have ignored him or just say anything and be on her way. But something stopped her. “No, its fine. It’s not broken”, she assured him. He smiled. A smile that reached his eyes. “It’s broken.” A little irritated, she replied..”Well, it sure doesn’t look like it” “Ah, it has been for sometime now. Sometimes you don’t realize it’s broken till it starts to rain”, he said knowingly as he tried to move closer to her. Feeling stupid, she stepped away from him, “Then why bother asking me, you should just wait for it to rain” He reached for her hand and held it.. “I am. That’s why I’m here.” Suddenly, she realized he looked strangely familiar. But her mind was a blank. She tried to talk but couldn’t. And that’s when it happened, she started trembling…she didn’t even realize she was before. He drew her closer into his arms and that’s when she crumbled. As he hugged her, she broke down. “Just let me hold you while you’re falling apart”, he whispered.

2006-02-14T05:46:00.000+08:00

You ridicule... I take it. You scold... I take it. You go stark raving mad on me... I take it. I buy lunch. I buy dinner. I clean up after. I feed the dogs. I bathe the dogs. I clean up after. When it's your birthdays, I'm there. When it's late at night and you freak out, I'm there. I explain myself. I have a right. But you won't listen. You just want to fight. There's not talking, not anymore. But I still take it, I haven't walked out the door. I haven't because of respect, But how much longer... Will I have to, Feel fear, Feel pain, Feel tears at night, Feel anger, Feel hate. Feel the voices, Go on in debate. I want to leave, I want to walk out. I'm done feeling bad, I'm worth more than that. So hit me. Because that. I won't take.

To Wish Impossible Things

2006-02-13T12:48:00.000+08:00

It gets harder everyday but I'm trying not to let it get me down. Sometimes, I wish I could explain exactly what goes on in my head. But my heart is confused as confused can get. I watch what goes on around me and I wonder if I would ever experience some that. And then I remember what she said before…"you're different, you don't get to experience all this" I can take letting a few tears out every once in awhile. I can take it being around me and hearing about it all day long, it really doesn't bother me. I can take searching for something, something I never thought I would find. After all, we all like to believe in something. The sad thing is, I did find it for awhile. And I guess that's what hurts the most and yet that is exactly the thing that makes me happy, having the most important thing in the world without owning it. And even if it means having you just for that while, I'll take it.

Every Night, Another Story

2006-02-11T03:14:00.000+08:00

Schizo On Prozac

2006-02-09T11:01:00.000+08:00

I want to tell the truth, so badly I do. But what would happen? All hell would break lose. I'd risk losing everything then what would I be left with? The lies that everyone else has told me. Yes... That's exactly what I would be left with. So I shall keep my skeletons in my closet, I shall not speak a word of it to you. Because even if I did, I don't think you would understand. You wouldn't be able to do anything and I would be left hanging. I will keep my comments to myself. Because if I let them out, you'd would start acting differently

You'd say I don't understand you. You think I don't. But I really do. I understand you more that you would ever know. What do I do? You slip away slowly while I try so hard to keep you near. I'm hurting and you keep doing what you do And I take it all. And yet, at the end of it, you still pull away. So what's a girl to do really? Reveal everything, unleash the truth and watch how "change" takes over? Nah...I think I'll just keep my skeletons in my closet

2006-02-07T00:41:00.000+08:00

You start living in fear for a while. Then you start beliving whatever has been said. And you wonder, if there is any way out the darkness that you've placed yourself into. What will happen if all your fears came through? Will I still be the same person? Or will I disappear for a long while. I am not this person...or am I? I need to wake up. Or am I awake already. I see what I had imagined. Dreaming all my feelings. Anyone got a light?

Berries In The Closet

2006-02-03T10:37:00.000+08:00

I noticed it when I was walking down to over there. I wasn’t sure what it was. It looked like a shiny coin..or some sort shiny thing. It glittered in the sun. I wouldn’t have noticed it if I wasn’t wearing my shoes. I tried to speed up. To be spiffy, so I could reach the shiny coin or some sort shiny thing. My mind started wandering. What if it was a time machine? A robot?? Or a fifty cent coin, maybe even a gum wrapper?? Oh wow…the things I could do. As I approached the shiny coin or some sort of shiny thing, I realized it was bigger than I had thought. It couldn’t be a shiny coin…it was definitely some sort of shiny thing. For a while, all my thoughts about what my thoughts are usually about disappeared. I could only concentrate on the some sort of shiny thing. I needed to get there faster…I could make out the color…a red shiny thing. I decided it was best if I ran…I needed to get to it. I was intrigued. And very hungry too. I could smell a fruit basket. Strange. But interesting. Then I saw it. OH MY GAD!! It even had my name on it. It was beautiful. All shiny and spanking new…Red and spiffy looking. It looked so damn good that I wanted to eat it..but it was best I didn’t. After all..I was beat from walking and running. It was only right I gave it a go… And boy…did I have a blast!!! Strawberry cushioned butt….Fantastic!! Sharkbait's very own Berry Bike. From Ssprite/plh.

Thank you plh, you rock!!! I love it. Sooo...Abby & Penny, race ya!!

2006-02-02T12:52:00.000+08:00

The Chicken Story: - Early morning message. Simple and yet strange. It began with the "chicken." Now I'm hooked. Story of Nope, Not At All Fuck you & fuck off Pocket In Shoes Found a cure Found a cure Found a cure Found a cure To keep me from going insane I searched all over Could not find Someone to hold Some peace of mind Yesterday is gone Nothing else to do But let it go Before I lose All my hopes and my dreams For something that ain't real Things ain't always as they seem 'Cause there's sunshine after rain And after the night comes morning And in the spring the flowers bloom again When I'm feeling down There's no way out I know the love I have inside Will make it alright And when it feels like I'm going crazy It feels like I'm going insane It feels like I'm going crazy Found a cure to get me through another day -Ultra Nate, Found A Cure-

Eighteen and Twenty Three

2006-01-27T00:02:00.000+08:00

"Because time itself is like a spiral, something special happens on your birthday each year; The same energy that God invested in you at birth is present once again." - Menachem Mendel Schneerson -

A setting sun that paints a tie-dyed sky A feather bed, an ancient lullaby A kiss good night from one whose love is true That's the kind of day I wish for you A field of flowers dancing in the spring A little creek, a tree, an old rope swing Cotton candy clouds against the blue That's the kind of day I wish for you First love with all its storm Raging like fire within Tossing your heart to chance You swear the dance will never end But then it does and someone says goodbye And after all those empty nights you cried The morning that you wake up good as new That's the kind of day I wish for you The faith of knowing deep inside your heart That heaven holds more than just some stars Someone's up there watching over you That's the kind of day I wish for you

-Wish For You, Faith Hill-

Happy Bithday Debbie & Lavinia. I love you.

2006-01-24T13:47:00.000+08:00

Conversations in my head. Described in detail. Stuff I don’t even want to know, but I do now. There is no anger, no crazy mad violent anger. None of that at all, surprisingly. Just…Sad. There is conversation. And then there is realization. Must be a “2 for 1 special.” All on the same day.

Macadamia Nut Planter

2006-01-19T14:02:00.000+08:00

"You can be more alone with other people than you are by yourself.

Even with people you love."

The mind is on a roll again. Maybe it's cause I saw what I shouldn't have. Maybe it's cause I feel things I shouldn't be feeling, and I can't control all these fuzzy things. Maybe it's because of the dreams I've been having.

Something is missing. And I can't find it and I can't fix it.

And then some...

2006-01-13T16:56:00.000+08:00

From: Riddler To: Sharkbait, ColorfulShoes, FancyDress, Woman, Tipsy, Skinny, Pouty Subject: BabyBackRibs Birthday Hi all, Its BabyBackRibs Birthday is on the 20th Jan. We’re probably getting a handbag of sorts. And something else & cake. Would any of you like to contribute to her birthday presents? If so please contribute $10 to me by this Friday. Thank you! Warmest Regards, Riddler From: Skinny To: Sharkbait, ColorfulShoes, FancyDress, Woman, Tipsy, Pouty, Riddler Subject: Whose is it? Who put $10 on my table? Warmest Regards, Skinny 2 minutes later From: Skinny To: Sharkbait, ColorfulShoes, FancyDress, Woman, Tipsy, Pouty, Riddler Subject: RE: Whose is it? Sorry, is my own money. Warmest Regards, Skinny ___________________________ Agent Sharkbait just had to investigate. Sharkbait: *trying not to laugh* “Skinny…how do you know it was your money?” Skinny: “I forgot I put the money on the table. Then later, when I check my wallet, I saw I had no more $10. I thought I lost my money." Sharkbait: “Then why did you send the email?” *still laughing like a fool* Skinny: “Don’t laugh at me la…Only after I sent the email to everybody, I realize that the money was mine. I really thought someone stole my money.” *unable to control her laughter too* Sharkbait can’t type anymore. She’s laughing way too much…..

2006-01-13T16:14:00.000+08:00

Sharkbait: “Pouty, I’m probably gonna lunch in. You?” Pouty: “No la, I'm lazy. So I will go out & eat” Sharkbait was chilling, reading a book…10 more minutes till lunch time was over..when… Pouty: “AIYA!!! YOU!!!! Why you never ask me to join you?” Sharkbait: “Huh? What??” Pouty: “You’re mean. You never ask me to eat with you” Sharkbait: “I told you I was lunching in!!! You said you wanted to go out” Pouty: “Nooo…I thought you were going to lunch indoors!!!’ Sharkbait: “Huh?? Babe, that’s what I meant!!! Lunching in. Eating lunch in the office!!” Pouty: “OOoooo….I thought you meant you meant lunch outside but inside the coffee shop!!!” (pouting) Sharkbait: “What the fuck is wrong with you?" Pouty: "Hahaha...(shaking her head violently) So stupid..I didn't realize loh!! *Somebody stop me!!!!!!!!

SuckMyThumb

2006-01-11T01:50:00.000+08:00

My first tag for the year. I need to savour this. I got tagggedd......whhhooppeeedpppwahhhh!!!!!!!! And its a thinking kinda tag...Thanks Chrysalis. The rules is like this: The first player of this game starts with the topic five weird habits of yourself and people who get tagged need to write an entry about their five weird habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next five people to be tagged and link to their web journals. 1) I am powder freak. I must put powder after I have a shower. And I put alot of powder...ALOT. Alot that it drops on the floor and you can slip and fall. I like powder. 2) I rarely eat chips from the packet. I either pour them out in the bowl or I place on that table or my stomach, my hands or somewhere other than eating from the packet. 3) I must have my hot fudge sundae melted before I eat it. 4) If I see a cockroach in my house or in anybody's house. I must see to it that it is dead. I cannot do anything else unless I know its dead. I must see its dead body. Bastard creatures. 5) I wear mismatched socks almost every day. I would like to think that nobody knows about this. But they all do. I like socks. Especially mismatched ones. Whoaaaa...talk about serious issues man!!! But hey....LMM, OGB, SweetRosie, FallenMapples and PP, go forth and spread the weirdness. Taggiritis is now you.

Quiet Things That No One Knows

2006-01-05T02:04:00.000+08:00

I know the difference between spending time and killing time. Do YOU?

The Trick Is To Keep Breathing

2005-12-31T06:47:00.000+08:00

"Then you stray into my thoughts, and I recall how many times you have held my hand and guided me through the darknessand showed me the light. Then I think of the laughter you gave to me, the smiles you brought to my eyes, and the warmth you poured into my heart." Thank you.

crash into you

2005-12-30T13:11:00.000+08:00

So I need y.o.u. Maybe you could take a walk in my head and help me figure it out.

Christmas - Sharkbait's State of Mind

2005-12-25T15:47:00.000+08:00

Before... After..... And so it began...at Sharkbait's house...Christmas. The madness...the crahzeees.... Some were outisde in the garden... Some were getting drunk inside... Some with funky hats...and some spending Christmas in Singapore for the first time..(hope you had a blast Ira) Some liked to think they were Bollywood Stars....since it was Christmas...we let them.. Dubai had her friends over for the first time too... 0001hours - Christmas heebeegeebees Whole house went crazy with everyone wishing everyone.... Some wished others over and over again.... Some immediately went to their post to give out Christmas presents to everyone.... Some got lost in the crowd... Only to be given a hug all over again by another family member. (Sometimes we forget) Some gave wrong presents to each other...but nobody cared...Some opened wrong presents by accident...Chaos... But it was settled within mins....drinks helped too... We even had time for a group photo...Dubai & Sharkbait's tiny ass room... Some may have suffered from cramps...but it was all in good fun... Then you see V, JB, Boy & Bobo all ready for spiffy photo.. And when standing on bed...one must take a quick shot.. Then you have all the good looking boys of the family... And sometimes, life gives you little surprises at 4am in the morning.. What more can you ask for? And then you realize you gotta help the dogs open their presents too... Then there is you. SM. I hope you know who you are. Thank you. For everything. For you.

I may not always love you

But long as there are stars above you

You never need to doubt it

I'll make you so sure about it

God only knows what I'd be without you

If you should ever leave me

Though life would still go on, believe me

The world could show nothing to me

So what good would livin' do me

God only knows what I'd be without you

If you should ever leave me

Though life would still go on, believe me

The world could show nothing to me

So what good would livin' do me

God only knows what I'd be without you...

-God Only Knows, Beach Boys-

"Dreams are illustrations... from the book your soul is writing about you." Marsha Norman

2005-12-20T12:47:00.000+08:00

Date: 1 November 2005 Time: 0025hours. Present: OGB, CFB, PP & Sharkbait Absent: WAP OGB was wearing a blue flowery print blouse and a denim skirt. PP wore a pink/white blouse with black pants. CFB wore an off white shirt and jeans. *Note to readers, Sharkbait is slightly color blind..colors may be in fact wrong. CFB thought of a time capsule. Initial time frame was 10 years. However, after much discussion at length. We decided 5 years seemed right. We realize we could not wait that long. 5 years was ideal. So the date & time was set in place. Date: 17 December 2005 Time: 1115hours Venue: Brewerkz Present: WAP, PP, OGB, CFB & Sharkbait After eating way too much,

drinking way too much...

we finally put our stuff in the box. But nobody knows what the other person put inside. It was a secret operation. For spiffy Agents. Now the time-capsule (known as the box) will be kept at Sharkbait's house, under strict instructions to never attempt to open the box. To protect it and keep it safe from water and to make it floaty. We will open it together 5 years later, 1 week before Christmas. December 17 2010. Question is...can Sharkbait control herself?

_________________________ "I'll do my dreaming with my eyes wide open, and I'll do my looking back with my eyes closed"

--Tony Arata--

Date: 17 December 2010 Time: 2147hours Venue: PeanutButter Lane, Sharkbait's house Present: WAP + 1, PP + 2, OGB + 1 , CFB + 3, Sharkbait + 3 There is a slight drizzle outside. It's a little chilly. No 77 PeanutButter Lane is way too noisy for the neighbours liking. There are a couple of cars parked in the driveway...and Christmas carols and loud laughter and yelling can be heard few houses away. But nobody really cares cause everybody is in a Christmassy mood. CFB, OGB, WAP, PP are all sitting at the dining room fighting over the trivia game they just played. Sharkbait watches them...grinning cause she knows she started this messy game..and now even at this age...they're all fighting on who gets the winning point. WAP's other half walks into the kitchen looking for some roast beef....and CFB's other half hollers at him to get more beer. PP uses this distraction to check on kids in the TV room...Bianca, her daughter is watching Strawberry Shortcake cartoon while, Ethan Gabriel is yelling for his mother cause Damien Ahser is eating all the m&ms. CFB looks at Sharkbait and shakes her head, "Sharkbait, get your son to bloody share the damn m&ms" and continues fighting with WAP about who got the correct answer first. OGB is just way too tired, but has energy to go for another round of Dooleys...she just came back from Ethopia. Her expedition lasted longer than she thought...but she knew she had it good..when she saw him smiling at her across the room. She had just married the love of her life and she knew life could not get any better than this. WAP and PP start talking about work..as CFB tries to serve the awesome pasta she cooked with bacon and mushrooms. WAP is working in radio station, a DJ and over dinner...he tells stories of crazhee people who call him asking for ridiculous songs.. like HummbaLoola Jive. What the fuck? CFB is trying to get the kids to come get the desserts. Brooke Leilani runs into kitchen excitedly..."I want summ, I want summm". So, there we are..sitting at the dining room...OGB slightly tipsy. WAP's face a little too red from drinking a little bit of alcohol. CFB sitting comfortably with her legs raised, sipping her wine glass..She's heavily pregnant with her 3rd child. PP has all the kids wiped and cleaned properly so they could run off and play. Their spouses are in the living room watching football (Liverpool Vs Chelsea) A lot of shouting going on in there. Since all had placed bets on Chelsea...except CFB's other half of course. He wouldn't dare. Sharkbait says it's about that time....and goes off to get the time capsule. (the box) wrapped in plastic covers for water proof protection. We'll remember the time when we were at Brekwerkz. And the guy whom we passed PP's no too... We'll be laughing and grinning....and while unwrapping the plastic covers.... WAP will exclaim, in his quiet, mysterious and yet somehow annoying way..."OOOO....the Box" and we'll laugh out calling him a nut and an arse. There will be an opening ceremony...The bottle of wine that Sharkbait kept together with the box, since December 17 2005. We'll have a toast and we will all look at each other, wondering what each one had placed in the box. Maybe photos...maybe fake snow..who knows..We'll be quiet for a while, busy reading and exchanging the contents with one another...And from across the kitchen...the noise in the living room has quiten down and they look us in amusement, shaking their heads...and they'll come around to read what we had wrote 5 years ago...they'll look at the photos and laugh. Maybe they'll ask questions, maybe they won't.(Oh, questions will definitely be raised) We'll remember what happened 5 years ago. We'll remember that was the year the trivia game was born. Because of that game, we will always remember Ranjan. We learnt that CFB's comfort food is actually chocolate..but she liked to think it was pasta. We now know what WAP did in camp when he found some clothing. We know PP can be really naughty when she's in Germany. We'll remember that CFB must have a glass of water constantly. OGB watched Serendipity for first time that year. PP gets drunk way too fast and WAP is such a competitive bum. We'll remember WAP found the love of his life. We'll remember how OGB's dream of becoming a nurse came thru...We'll remember CFB loves apple juice. We'll remember Sharkbait's addiction to m&ms. The chilling sessions at Wala Wala's. The movie screenings...the ride to WAP's house. Dinner at CFB's house. OGB's Norway trip. CFB went to New York. Sharkbait tagged along. The surprise dinner at Jerry's. The discovery of fake snow. Then we'll discuss to do another time capsule..but that discussion is cut short because Kai Michael is banging away on his drums while Brooke Leilani & Bianca are screaming. And at that point, OGB will tell us she's pregnant too..and she's expecting a boy, Ryan Diego....PP will tell us she's got a job offer at a hotel in Italy....WAP gets all excited and tells us that he's thinking of adopting kids. CFB tells us that her company is expanding and they'll be setting up a company in New York. Sharkbait will then tell all of them...that Santa Claus really does exist!!

We'll look back and remember. That five years ago wasn't that far off..it was just a long while.

"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life"

-Sam's Letters to Jennifer, James Patterson-

"To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else." - Emily Dickinson

2005-12-16T17:27:00.000+08:00

I am irritated, bored, angry, sad, excited, scared, worried, happy, nervous, spiffy, spiffy-less. Hurt & restless. I feel like crying. I feel like laughing out loud. I feel like hitting someone. I feel extremely goofy. I feel extremely poofy. I feel like dancing. I feel like curling up on the bed and dying. I want to go away. Far far away. I feel like running like the wind. I am too tired to feel the wind. I feel like lying down on a sandy beach, watching the waves. I want to go back to NY. I want to forget everything. I want to remember every single thing. Sometimes I love you. Sometimes I don’t. I want love. I want to be loved. Sharkbait: “So…Doc..what do you think?” Doc Gupta: “Seems to me..you’ve got a case of frequentize mood changeritis.” Sharkbait: “Ahhh….one of those huh…can I be cured?” Doc Gupta: “Lets see here….you will need a couple of alcohol in a bottle or glass, a couple of laughs, some of them hugs and of course pina coladas...loads of them. Sharkbait: “A pina colada??” Doc Gupta: “Yep….here you go…(hands Sharkbait her prescription) And keep away from Poutys. They are infectious!! 1600hrs – Sharkbait back in office... Sharkbait: “COME ON PEOPLE… SING WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You know you want to!!!!! Sing..dance...meerry....think pina coladas, be pina coladas, feel pina coladas...drink...

I was tired of my lady, we'd been together too long. Like a worn-out recording, of a favorite song. So while she lay there sleeping, I read the paper in bed. And in the personals column, there was this letter I read: "If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain. If you're not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain. If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape. I'm the lady you've looked for, write to me, and escape." I didn't think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean. But me and my old lady, had fallen into the same old dull routine. So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad. And though I'm nobody's poet, I thought it wasn't half-bad. "Yes, I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain. I'm not much into health food, I am into champagne. I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and cut through all this red tape. At a bar called O'Malley's, where we'll plan our escape." So I waited with high hopes, then she walked in the place. I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face. It was my own lovely lady, and she said, "Oh, it's you." And we laughed for a moment, and I said, "I never knew".. "That you liked Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain. And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne. If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape. You're the love that I've looked for, come with me, and escape." "If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain. And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne. If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape. You're the love that I've looked for, come with me, and escape." -Escape(Pina Coladas) by Rupert Holmes-

The Day The Laundry Played Tricks

2005-12-15T12:02:00.000+08:00

2247hours – Dubai is going crazy at home trying to find her phone charger. So she calls Sharkbait’s hp panicking. Dubai: “Hello, Sharkbait. This is Dubai, your sister” Sharkbait: “Yes, Dubai, my sister” Dubai: “Just now JB was here, where did she put my phone charger? It’s gone. I can’t find it. You were with her just now! Its gone. Can you ask her where it is? Sharkbait: “Oh ok…I will call and check with her now but it should in our room somewhere” Dubai: “Look..you call her and check. I will call her and check” Sharkbait: “Er…ok then” ____________________________________________ Dubai: “Hello JB, where did you put my charger just now? JB: “On your laundry basket, below the electrical point” Dubai: “It’s not there” JB: “Where else can it be?” Dubai: “I don’t know, you took it out. I think its thrown out in the rubbish” JB: “You throw out your laundry basket??!!” (JB thinks to herself…of all the days to throw your laundry basket) Dubai: “Ya, now I can’t find it, never mind, I’ll look for it” _______________________________________ 10mins later, Sharkbait calls JB. Sharkbait: “Yo babe, where you put Dubai’s charger ah..that girl is going nuts at home” JB: (who happens to be at a very noisy club at the moment) “Its in the plastic bag, your laundry basket” Sharkbait: “Huh? Plastic bag or laundry basket” JB: “It was a plastic bag with laundry in it” Sharkbait: “Oh right…I emptied the the clothes in the laundry bin. Ok..will let Dubai know” _______________________________________ Sharkbait then calls Dubai Sharkbait: “Hey babe….I know where it is” Dubai: “Where is it Sharkbait?? I can’t bloody find it” Sharkbait: “Its in the clothes bin…” Dubai: “Ohh my gad…I’m here now and I can’t find it” Sharkbait: “Huh?? Where are you Dubai..its in our room what” Dubai: “Our room??!! I’m at our dustbin outside!!!” Sharkbait: “The bin where we throw stuff and spray the roaches away, you’re at that bin??!!!! Why in blazes would JB throw away it in there?" Dubai: “Yes, Sharkbait..I’m bloody looking for my charger in shit and you tell me its in the laundry basket.” Sharkbait: “Clothes bin…Dubai….What did JB tell you?” Dubai: “You know what…forget it…I need to go bathe again…bloody shit you. Now I stink of kex.”

Scammer Got Scammed

2005-12-15T11:23:00.000+08:00

It was suppose to be a quiet morning….Sharkbait geared up to clear her workload….with a cup of coffee in hand. Pouty: “SHARKBAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD, YOU’RE HERE!!!!!!!” (grabs hold of Sharkbait’s arm and shakes it violently) Sharkbait: “WHAT! COFFEE, CHILL, HOLDONWHATWHATTHEHELL……Ah fucking shit…now my shoes have coffee” Pouty: “Do you know it’s the 15th today???!!!! Oh..you spilled some coffee on yourself” Sharkbait: “NO!! You don’t say!!!! Really?! Pouty: “Yes it is!!!! The 15th!! Oh my gosh..you know what this means??!! Sharkbait: “Yes, I believe I do. You are going to get me another cup of coffee” Pouty: “Haha…you’re funny Sharkbait, but No….its more serious than that!!” Sharkbait knew it was a trap. Pouty had set a trap for Sharkbait. Sharkbait: “Why….why is it serious?” Pouty: “It’s the 15th, its scary…..end of the year is almost near…It’s like end of the world you know.” Sharkbait: “Run. Run Now. And real fast too” Pouty: “Run where? Huh? Imagine ah…yesterday was only the 14th….today…15th….scary…the 15th!!!!!!” Sharkbait: “No really….Run as fast as you can Pouty....away from me. I’ll give you a 5min head start.” Pouty: “You’re so funny…sometimes I have no idea what you’re saying….I think your coffee is cold already leh And so it continues….Sharkbait in her corner sharpening her knives (ok ok..I meant pencils) while Pouty worries that 16th is tomorrow. *Note: And no…Pouty did not reach enlightenment that day. She decided she’ll obtain enlightenment another day when her ears droop.

2005-12-13T18:36:00.000+08:00

Of all the people in the world why did he fall in love with her. Of all the people in the world why was it she could make everything right in his world. Today. Tonight. Just this once, he'll allow himself to think of her. To remember everything about her. Everything. How they met...what she wore...that smile of hers...the stories they shared..her laughter...the crazy walks they took. All those feelings and thoughts had become too much for him to push away. Just this once, he'll let it run its course....Maybe then, he'll breathe a little easy..maybe then.. if he's lucky enough he'll wake up tomorrow and forget everything. Dreaming of dreams he should not be having. How she manages to slip into his mind, he'll never understand. He'll forget the world he's in for today. His heart aching in so many places. How he feels, she'll never know. It's better that way. So just for today, tonight..he'll love her silently...and he'll hold her in his dreams.

Today. Tonight. Just this once.

"The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them but knowing you can't have them"

2005-12-10T02:20:00.000+08:00